Week by Week...by Week.

Monday, April 16—27 weeks

         Today was the first of my now weekly visits with the doc. I have a feeling it might get a little repetitive, but who doesn’t like the reassurance of an ultrasound each week to check on things?  I’m thinking I’ll really like that part of it. Jerry had some previously scheduled work meetings today so he was unable to go with me. I waited quite a while today in the room waiting for Dr Hartman, and when he did come in he was in a hurry to get to a c-section delivery.  He did ultrasounds and everything looked great. The babies are getting bigger, they are sharing the fluid nicely, and the heartbeats are healthy. He seemed pleased. He took some standard cultures then had the nurse draw some blood. Pretty much a routine check…just grateful things are stable and happy!

Monday, April 23—28 weeks

         I think I have a standing appointment on Mondays at 11:00 now. J  Mondays roll around pretty fast.  During the past week I spent several hours on the phone with the insurance company, hospital billing department, and the doctor’s office trying to sort out bills from the two visits we made to the hospital. I’m grateful to have insurance, but sometimes I get frustrated with the whole process. It’s kind of like paying taxes to the government, in my mind…I’m happy to pay what I need to, but don’t want to do anyone else any favors. J  After paying so much cash to the University of Utah, I’m anxious to let the insurance coverage take over! I also got a call from the office to start on amoxicillin for a positive culture from the previous Monday. There’s always a little surprise it seems.  I had a day of skills lab at work and we also had our ward youth conference this weekend. Jerry and Brooklyn helped me a ton! It’s been a busy week! Lets just say it was a little difficult to get all six hours of bed rest in each day…I may have cheated a little. But today was another good visit. Jerry came with me, obviously needing a break from work (he even left his phone in the truck!), and we enjoyed being together.  Dr Hartman was in a particularly jovial mood. Sometimes I’m shocked at the stuff he says! The ultrasounds were good. The babies are in a little bit different position than I thought. Baby boy is still head down with feet up on the right, and baby girl is now making a triangle. Her head is by his feet with her back and bum going sideways and down the left side. They aren’t quite the “t” they originally were positioned in, nor are they parallel up and down to each other. They just look and feel squished to me! The heartbeats each looked healthy and I was kind of surprised at how big these kids looked on the screen. Hopefully that explains my almost 30lb weight gain! Don’t want to talk about that though! My blood count was a little low, so in two weeks he’ll re-culture things to see how the antibiotic worked and redraw my blood. Good thing I’m going every week…seems like there’s plenty to do. But, babies are happy, my body is cooperating for now, and I’m now officially the size of a beach ball…what more could we ask for!?    

Monday, April 30—29 weeks

         Once again we found ourselves at the doctor’s office this morning. I wonder if Dr Hartman is getting sick of seeing us every Monday J  Monday at 11:00 is our moment. Jerry’s been so great to take time from his busy work days to be with me at the appointments. Lately he’s been making more and more comments about how ‘real’ this is getting and the reality check that’s coming! I love having him with me.   

         Today was a pretty routine appointment. I officially passed the 30lb mark today. It was a proud moment, let me tell ya. My goal is to not pass up Jerry’s weight. J Dr Hartman again had on his bright red tennis shoes. I think he owns nothing but red shoes. He plays tennis 6 days a week and he says his red shoes make him fast. He’s quite a guy. Once again things were looking good. My cervix is shrinking a little bit each time, but that is expected now. Most importantly, the babies are looking healthy and are growing. He did growth measurements again today and the babies are right on schedule.  Baby boy measured 2lb13oz and baby girl measured 3lbs 1oz. That is a switch from the past where usually the boy is bigger than the girl. Measurements are usually a little off, so we estimate they are both somewhere between 2 ½ and 3lbs. That may explain why I feel so squished inside. Brooklyn was born at 6lb1oz at just 10 days early. I’m feeling about the size I was when she was born.  But, these babies have a little more cooking time.

         We discussed the delivery timing and options today. That made it a little more real. We still have a little ways to go, but the doc wanted to get us thinking. If both babies were head down, he would most likely attempt a regular delivery. There would be a small risk of delivering the first baby head first and then the second ‘falling’ sideways and having to be delivered breech. As long as there is not a significant size difference, he feels confident in doing this. If both babies were head up, there would be no option and a c-section would be necessary. Well, of course, we have one in each position. That puts us in the middle.  We could try a regular delivery for the first and then see if the second will come breech or need a c-section in the end. Or, we could just plan on a c-section. Neither option sounds fun to me. But, I also don’t want to do half and half! Of course it’s a little early to make a decision now because they may change positions still. So, we’ll see what happens in the meantime. He did give us some estimated dates of delivery also. If I can go to ‘full term’ time, he said he would start me no later than two weeks ahead of the due date (July 14) for a regular delivery, and would deliver three weeks ahead for a c-section. That would put their birthday in mid-late June. Sometimes that sounds far away, and sometimes that sounds way too close! It’s getting exciting to think how soon they’ll be here. We want a few more weeks until they are ready, but after that…let the games begin!

Monday, May 7—30 weeks

         It must be a Monday. Today is one of those occasional days when I feel tired, emotional, and frustrated.  I think it stems from the bed rest that I am truly getting sick of. I’ll admit, there are some days when I have to stretch to get those six hours, but some days I just don’t want to do it—or feel I don’t have time to do it. I know that’s the wrong attitude, and it’s a minimal obligation for such a reward, but still, I’m pretty much done with it. I like being useful and doing the things that I am ‘supposed’ to do, even if it is those mundane tasks of laundry, cooking, or cleaning. That’s what a mom does, and that’s what I want to do. (Of course, you don’t hear me saying that about going to work, but you get the point).   For instance, today I got up and got Brooklyn ready for school, cleaned up breakfast, got myself ready for the day, and then headed to the doctor…again. On a good day, getting to and from the doctor is no less than a two hour event, so by the time I got home it was 12:30.  I eat lunch, straighten a few things, change one load of laundry (didn’t even fold anything) and made the bed…basic items of life.  There’s at least a minimum standard of living that’s necessary for my conscience. By the time I start to lay down it’s 45 min later and the countdown begins.  But six hours from then is clear to almost bed time. 2 ½ hrs after my down time begins, Brooklyn is home from school. I feel so sorry for the girl. Every day she comes home from school and her mom is laying on the couch. How fun is that for her? We can do some homework and a few things while I am down, but I feel like such a loaf sometimes and think she must be tired of it too. I can’t go out and play, watch her ride her bike, or help her spray paint her ‘limousine’ for the drive in movie at school. Nope, her mom is laying on the couch. Of course I know it’s necessary and, again, such a small moment in time for the health of these babies, but I feel torn inside. I want to take the best care of these babies that I can, but I also want to care for the ones I love who are here.  And, of course, when Jerry walks in from work, I’m on the couch. It’s a nice welcome home moment. They both understand the purpose and know it’s not just because I’m trying to be lazy, but I feel like I’ve lost the wife/mom side of me and am now just a couch sitter. I think I get a little cabin fever, too. Staring at the same walls, doing the same stuff, making the same lists of things I want to do—or need to have someone else do—all gets to my head a little bit.  Another thing I wish I could do more of is take care of those ‘nesting’ instincts mothers have before their babies are born. I’d love to feel like the baby room is totally and completely ready for them to come home to. Little by little it’s coming along, but I’m missing the days of dedicated baby organizing and decorating.  Of course, I’m not sleeping very well at night now and am starting to get somewhat uncomfortable, so I think sometimes all these feelings are exaggerated by fatigue. Plus, I hear pregnant women are hormonal and emotional anyway J  Am I complaining…probably…ok, yes.  Do I just feel like I need to vent…for sure. I know this is really a very small second in time and there is such a great reward to come. I have to realign my focus and priorities every once in a while, and I guess today is one of those days to do so. And, Jerry and Brooklyn are so good to help. They are patient when we have leftovers for the third day in a row or when I give them a list of things I think they should do. They deserve a lot more thanks and praise than what I give them. This is really testing all of us and helping us to appreciate, learn, serve, cooperate, and love more. I try to think of those who have an illness or disease, who are hoping to get better just so they can live and be with their family, or who face an unknown future of health. I feel guilty for being so selfish in my thoughts. How blessed I am to say that my complaints are such minimal inconveniences.  My future holds two sweet, little babies to love who will fill our lives with so much joy.  I guess this is one of those unforeseen lessons I need to learn in this process. I need to remember my blessings, forget my complaints, and focus on all the great opportunities and people that allow me such a privileged and wonderful life.  I truly am blessed.

         As a matter of business, things at the doctor went well today. Babies still look good and healthy. He did not measure them for growth this time. He redid some of the cultures from a few weeks ago and drew another blood count.  He said, “Next week you get to have a 31 week party.”  I asked what that meant. His philosophy is that after 31 weeks the chances of problems before and at delivery are the same as at full term. So, I think that’s a good thing. Of course the best thing is to let them grow as long as possible, but it’s a good milestone. I think after 32 weeks I’ll feel even better about their outcome. Every week counts. Guess that means I should stick to my bed rest and stop complaining J

Monday, May 14—31 weeks

         Once again, a Monday morning visit with Dr Hartman. We had a good visit and things are progressing well. We cheered for reaching the 31 week mark. He feels that after 31 weeks, the survival and successful birth outcomes are equal to those of a full term baby. So, I think that’s good news, and I feel a little less worried about delivering early. Hartman also seemed happy with the progression and health of the babies. Jerry asked his estimation of how long until delivery and Hartman says he’d expect I could go as far as 37 weeks. That’s 6 more weeks! Not ready for babies yet, but getting ready to not be pregnant J  Anyway, he seemed very happy with the ways things are going. Again the ultrasounds were reassuring and babies looked good. Next week he is planning to do measurements again and do a non-stress test (NST) in the office. The NST is simple and includes putting both babies on the monitor to watch for heart rates and their reactivity. That will be a fun part of the day next week. He continues to want the bed rest, but there is now a different goal in mind. He says now the goal is to create fatter babies. Although we still want to postpone delivery as long as possible, bigger babies usually do better. So, I’m now an incubator trying to fatten them up into healthy babies for when they are born.  I’m hoping that by next week they’ll be around 4lbs each. They are still in the same position as before—one with his head way low, and the other with her head high and to the right. Needless to say, the upper right corner of my belly is being punished on a daily basis with all the feet and head activity in one spot. I still love to feel them move. There are a few more odds and ends to purchase before they come, but I think we are almost ready for them. Well, at least we’re almost ready with the ‘stuff’…not sure if we’ll ever be ready mentally! We’ve had several people give us gifts to help us get prepared— so many generous friends and family.  After getting rid of literally everything baby we ever owned, its been quite eye-opening to remember all the things babies need…wow!  What’s cuter than baby stuff, though? A few more weeks of cooking time and I think we’ll all be ready!

Bed rest wears me out…

My last post was a little more than two weeks ago before the first fetal fibronectin test. And, we had a busy 24 hours right after that…

The last Monday in March was my 24 week visit with Dr Hartman. He did the fFN and some ultrasounds and things went smoothly. The babies looked healthy, the fluids were equal, and there were no signs of concern. We discussed the number of contractions I had been having since there seemed to be more over the past week or so. He said to continue with the six hours laying down and then taking it easy the rest of the day, and call him if there are more than 12 contractions in a day. We made an appointment to see him in two weeks, he gave me the yummy orange glucose drink to check my blood sugar tolerance at the next appointment, and we were out the door in less than 30 minutes.

The surprise came late that night after I had put Brooklyn to bed and Jerry and I were watching the news in the back room. I randomly saw the little red flashing light on the phone charger indicating there was a message. So, at about 10:30 we got up to go to bed, and I casually picked up the phone to listen to the message. It was from a cell phone number I didn’t recognize. Then I found myself listening to Dr Hartman’s voice. He says, “Katy, it’s Hartman. Your test has come back positive. It’s concerning enough to me that I think you should go to labor and delivery at the hospital and get the steroid shots to develop the babies’ lungs and have them monitor you for a while. Preferably you should do this tonight. If you can’t tonight, then first thing in the morning.”  He went on to explain his reasoning, the 20% chance of delivery vs. his reassurance that my cervix is perfect with no other signs of ensuing labor, and the importance of having the steroids “on board” as soon as possible if the test was correct in predicting an early delivery. Oh my….at that moment I thought my biggest nightmare was coming true. I immediately felt that adrenaline surge begin to rush through my body and felt shaky, nervous, sick to my stomach, worried, and of course, emotional. My first thought was ‘these babies are not ready to be born. They are barely past the viable age for survival outside the womb. And, there is no way we are ready to deal with such sick and tiny babies in the NICU.’  My next thoughts turned to Brooklyn. She was asleep all cozy in her bed. We couldn’t leave her in the middle of the night. She would freak out if she woke up and someone else was here while mom and dad were at the hospital. So many thoughts were running through my head. Then I said to Jerry, “I have to call my mom.” I was a little panicky, but Jerry in his usual calm and collect manner helped me think through things and make a plan.

We decided to go in that night. Dr Hartman doesn’t get too excited about too many things. So, when he said it was concerning to him, I thought it was probably best we go in soon. But, it was pretty late. I really didn’t want to call and wake anyone up to come stay with Brooklyn, but that was the only logical choice. My mom had offered to come up, but that’s an hour drive. We called Jerry’s mom and she was happy to come help. I know we woke her from a solemn slumber, but she acted like it was no problem at all to come to our rescue. I’m sure it took her a day or two to recover from a wild night at our house, but we were so grateful she was close and able to be with Brooklyn. We didn’t know how long we would be gone. It was reassuring to know that Brooklyn was in good hands with someone who loved her. I changed back into some clothes, brushed my teeth, grabbed my contacts and phone charger, and went into Brooklyn’s room to kiss her good bye. I was way sad to leave her not knowing what the next few hours would entail. Was I going to get to come home? Would I be checking into the hospital for the next few months? I was scared and nervous not just for me and the babies, but also for her and the questions she may have if things changed drastically overnight, all while she was asleep.  But, Grandma was there and so we left.

Our insurance coverage is at Ogden Regional Hospital. It would be nice to deliver at McKay-Dee where I work and know the policies, procedures, and people, but not this time. It was unusual to drive to a different place. I had done my labor and delivery clinical rotations at Ogden Regional 10 years ago, but hadn’t been back since. It felt weird. On our way into the elevator a lady with some McDonald’s food in her hand said, “Are you going to have a baby tonight!?”  My belly may look like I’m ready to deliver, but I said back, “Hopefully not tonight. These babies are not ready to be born yet!” By now it was almost 11:30 in the night. We checked in and pleaded our case to the clerk and then to the nurse, and waited for them to take us back to a room. Admitting came up to take all our information… so they can bill us of course…and a CNA took me to a room. I had to change into a hospital gown and everything, which proved to be a little much in my opinion for what ended up happening, but I was obedient. They asked me a bunch of questions and put me on the monitors. However, they had a really hard time getting the babies to stay on the monitors. They brought in the ultrasound machine and located each of the heartbeats, but still had a hard time keeping them on the other machine consistently. They were also monitoring me for contractions. They brought Jerry into the room, and after several minutes of frustration, the nurse gave up and said she was going to go call the doctor for orders. I felt bad. I know how frustrating it is to be given a new patient in the middle of the night when you have a million other things to do.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s not easy being the patient. By now it was at least midnight and everyone was tired. Jerry tried to get me to close my eyes and go to sleep…ya right J  The nurse came back in and Dr Hartman said it was ok to not monitor the babies tonight but keep me on the monitor for an hour and give the first betamethasone (steroid) shot now and a second one in 12 hours. Yay, more shots in the bum! I thought by now I was pretty good at tolerating shots, but man did that one hurt! I swear she hit a nerve or something ‘cause my leg jumped, the muscles cramped up, and it bruised and burned. I forgave the poor girl ‘cause I know I’ve hurt a few patients in my career, but that was not nice! After the shot, it was basically time to wait for an hour and monitor for contractions. Well, just like when you take your deathly ill child to the doctor and they have a miraculous recovery in the waiting room and look and act totally normal when the doc comes in to see you…ya, you know how that works…well I didn’t have any contractions. Of course, I was lying in the bed doing nothing, too. Dr Hartman said that with minimal contracting I could either choose to stay for the 12 hours until the next shot or go home and come back for the other one and be monitored again. Easily decided, we left the hospital about 1:30am and were to return again at noon. I crawled into bed with mixed feelings and emotions. It seemed like a lot of trouble, stress, and worry in the middle of the night for a few hours of nothing, really. I was slightly frustrated with the situation, but mostly grateful that things seemed to be ok. We had done what we could with the information we had. Dr Hartman was going to call in the morning and we would move on from there.

I was happy to be home when Brooklyn woke up. We told her some of what had happened while she was sleeping and as I predicted, she was very surprised. Even for her it was a little of a reality check. I took her to school, got ready for the day, and headed back to the hospital. I am appreciating more and more the fact that Brooklyn is older and in school. So much of this whole experience has included doctor visits and things that are during the day while she is in school. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have a toddler or baby at home and constantly be needing a babysitter. I really think it’s an unexpected blessing that has made all this possible and somewhat less stressful.

Jerry met me at the hospital. Again, we checked in and waited. While waiting we contemplated the cost of such admissions. I assumed it would be an outpatient fee since it’s (hopefully) such a short time frame, but you never know what insurance companies are willing to cover. Again the CNA took me to a room and had Jerry wait. While they were getting me hooked up to the monitors and such, Dr Hartman called my cell phone which was in my purse with Jerry. He gave Jerry all the new instructions: absolutely no less than six hours of bed rest and light activity otherwise, continue to monitor contractions at home, plan for possibly starting to see him on a weekly basis, and the next two weeks are a critical time to stay down and calm. As he said the night before, I needed the second betamethasone shot, and if there are minimal contractions after at least an hour of monitoring and the babies look good, then I can go home. This time the nurse was the charge nurse for the day, and I was impressed with her. The shot was much better this time, and she got the babies on the monitor first try. This time, with both the babies on the monitor along with the toco (to monitor contractions) she was able to do what’s called a non-stress test. This basically monitors the babies’ heart rates and responses to contractions, movement, and ‘stress.’ Of course I again didn’t have hardly any contractions, but the nurse was very impressed with the babies’ heart rates. She said they were responding very appropriately, even more maturely than their actual age, and looked picture perfect. I think she was probably trying to reassure us, but nevertheless it was good news. After about two hours and a Subway sandwich, we were able to go home.

Again, I had mixed feelings. It seemed like a lot of trouble. But, there is also no extent to which you’ll go for the health and safety of your children and loved ones. I trusted that the doctor was using his best judgment and experience to make the best decisions, too. He made it clear that although the test is not fool-proof, it is an indicator of delivery, and we aren’t ready for that. I honestly think he was surprised that it came back positive—as was I—and it made him nervous. He doesn’t want these babies to come any sooner than we do, so together we are doing what we can to be prepared and prevent an early delivery. So, I see it as a lesson in making the best decisions you can with the information you have. Not always can we predict the future, and not always are we right. But, we must be proactive for those ‘just in case’ moments when we don’t have room for regrets. Obviously I haven’t had the babies yet, and we made it through those two weeks. I’ve never been so worn out from so much lying around! It’s amazing how tired you get after doing nothing all day J But, as Jerry keeps reminding me, the little things we do now, and the more obedient we are to the doctor’s orders, may very well be the deciding factors in when these babies are born. It’s a small moment in time to make sacrifices. But, we cannot afford to cut corners now for our own convenience at the expense of a premature delivery for the babies we’ve waited so long for.

That being said, bed rest is the new norm at our house. Even Brooklyn is asking how many hours I’ve been down and tells me when it’s time to go back to the couch. I’m pretty sure the couch is getting a well-worn spot, too. It’s surprising how much planning and effort it takes to make sure I get in all six hours. Regular life things take up a surprising amount of time! Last week my mom came up to rescue me. She brought dinner, made more dinners and treats, did an amazing amount of house cleaning—including toilets and windows, did laundry, gave Brooklyn a piano lesson, taught us how to crochet, and even made time for some fun...all while I was lying on the couch. She was amazing. My natural personality is to feel guilty, and I did, but I’m definitely learning how to let things go and allow others to do what I normally do. (At least a little bit.) Again, I am so humbled and grateful for all the love and help.

Yesterday we saw Dr Hartman for the two week appointment after our little ‘scare.’ It was the 26 week mark. I passed the glucose tolerance test. We discussed the positive fFN test, the hospital events and shots, and a plan for the next few weeks. Although the first test was positive, subsequent tests may be negative. Again he gave us the options of repeating the fFN test every two weeks or having an ultrasound every week. The fFN may be more reassuring and definitive, but may also cause more stress and worry. In Hartman’s own words, “If you are afraid of failing a test, then don’t take the test.” I asked if our treatment and future plans will change depending on what we choose, and he said ‘no.’ So, although a weekly visit to the doc is a pain, we decided to do the ultrasounds instead of the fFN. We can always do the test if warranted, but either way our plan of care doesn’t change and we’ll continue with what we’ve been doing. I’ve noticed my contractions are way less when I am down. So, I am seeing the purpose of the rest. All the ultrasounds that day were good. He measured both babies; their heads, legs, abdomens, and the fluids. They are both measuring right on time and about two pounds each. They’ve moved a little bit. The boy (baby A) is head down on my right side, and the girl (baby B) is breech with bum down more on my left side. So, basically they’re kicking each other in the head. Typical brother and sister J  Hartman is pleased so far with the way things look. He said we really couldn’t ask for better progress.

 I think the boy is consistently more active than the girl, but it may be just the way they are positioned. Sometimes they get really crazy. I still love to feel them move. Brooklyn likes to feel them too. The other night I was laying by her at bedtime and someone was really going crazy. I put her hand on my belly and she got to feel someone playing a little ‘punching bag.’ She thought that was pretty cool. She always comes up to pat my belly or talk to them and say hi. Yesterday after I told her whose head was where, she gave them each a kiss. Its fun to see her become more and more excited. She is also such a big helper. She’s doing so much without complaining. Jerry is also taking on new roles. He’s a master grocery shopper now, and keeps telling me to make him a list of things I need him to do. He’s so supportive. It’s taking a whole family to get these babies safely here. And, actually time is going faster and faster as I think how soon the summer will be here! 

One Boy, One Girl…. Two hearts beating wildly…

To put it mildly, it was love at first sight!

That’s my little tribute to Collin Raye’s song and how we feel about our little ones!

I have a lot to catch up on…

On February 8^th Jerry and I saw the ultrasound tech in Dr Hartman’s office. I was about 17 ½ weeks along.  The tech was a darling lady about my mom’s age named Katie, and we had a great time with her learning more about our babies. She spent about an hour with us looking over each baby and the other important stuff keeping them safe and happy. It was a fun day.

Katie first did a quick scan to check heartbeats and get an idea of where each baby was situated. And then, she looked to see what flavors of babies we were having. And, it turns out it’s a delicious chocolate and vanilla twist…a boy and a girl!  I personally think it’s a perfect combination. Too many girls might throw Jerry into a whirl, and two rowdy boys at the same time might take me to the funny farm. I’m excited about the mix and think it will be the perfect fit for our family. I hope the two of them will have a great, supportive relationship without too much competition. The tech had a fun time watching the babies interact with each other. The boy would be spreading out his arms or legs, and the girl would be pushing him back over with her feet to where he belonged.  Katie got a shot of them with their faces together, looking at each other. She kept talking about how great they interact and respond to one another. It was fun to watch them move and play around.

Of course the business of the ultrasound was to check the health of the pregnancy and babies.  It was officially time to label and locate each baby. I had always wondered how they keep track of who’s who, and I learned something new. The baby who is closest to the mom’s cervix is “Baby A” and the other is “Baby B.”  In our case, the boy is the lower baby and is “Baby A.”  The girl is located very high and is “Baby B.”  In fact, the two were laying perpendicular to each other like a “T.”  The boy was laying up and down, low in the belly, and the girl was laying high, across the top going from side to side. They will obviously move around some and manipulate themselves over time, but based on the way things attach inside, they will remain more or less in those positions. Katie checked to be sure there was good separation between the two babies, each within their own amniotic sac with separated placentas. She looked to be sure each umbilical cord attached at a safe point in the placenta and that fluids were measuring and moving well. Everything surrounding the babies seemed to be perfect. She then went over each baby and their organs and functions. Each heart had four chambers and all the valves…pumping away in perfect rhythm. Their spinal cords and brains looked complete. They had all their internal organs and those appeared to be functioning properly. And, they both had 10 fingers and 10 toes. The tech kept saying how ‘beautiful’ they were and how reassuring things looked. We finished the ultrasound and went home with a few pictures and a CD copy of the fun day.

We were truly amazed at the miniature bodies that seemed to be perfect already.  It’s a testament to me that we are divinely created. How could these little bodies, with all the functions and capabilities they will need to sustain life, be anything other than divine? Every time I get to see through that little window and watch them, I’m amazed at the miracle of life and birth. Absolutely amazing.

Our families and friends had been guessing the genders for weeks. Brooklyn and I thought it was a boy and girl. Jerry thought it was two girls. And, everyone had their own ideas and thoughts about what combination the babies might be. It was fun to hear everyone’s guess.  Both Jerry and I agreed that it would be extremely surprising, based upon reproductive statistics, if we had two boys and anticipated at least one girl. A few days after we knew the official genders, we had Jerry’s family over for some ice cream and let Grandma and Grandpa open a box with two shoes—one girl shoe and one boy shoe.  They had to keep a secret, though, because we were waiting a week to tell my family until my sister’s wedding reception when all my family was together. At Abby and Jace’s reception, we let Grandma Poore open the box. It was her birthday that day, so we thought it was a great gift for her to open. My family had been anxiously awaiting the news, and it was a fun way to end a great night. The cat was out of the bag now! I think it’s been fun for us and others to identify with the babies now as individuals…now for deciding on names!

About 3 ½ weeks later we went again to see Dr Hartman for my 22 week visit. This was on March 5^th.  Again, he walked into the room in his green scrubs and red tennis shoes. He makes me laugh. It was a quick visit. I think he was trying to catch up after having been out delivering a baby. He quickly checked the babies with the ultrasound and then went into business mode. It was a quick look at the babies and I didn’t even get a picture to take home L  He checked the fluids, made some notes, and then started talking about bed rest. Shoot…I was hoping he’d forget!  He wanted me to start on the 6 hrs of bed rest a day at the 22 week mark which was that Saturday, March 10^th.  His philosophy for bed rest makes sense, but I’m learning that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. His main reason for bed rest is to decrease activity and pressure in order to keep the cervix competent and uterus calm so as to prevent preterm labor signs as best we can. He’d rather try early prevention than try to stop it after it starts. After signs of preterm labor start, they don’t really reverse themselves. You can try to postpone or slow the progress, but they can’t be reversed. So, I agree with his thinking for the most part. I also think that the body will probably do what it wants when it wants, so is bed rest necessary yet? I’m trying not to argue and just be obedient. And, between Jerry and my mom, there’s enough people making sure I do my job. J (Love you both!) The other thing Dr Hartman wants to do is start seeing me more frequently. This is to check the cervix and other signs of labor. We have the choice of coming in each week for an ultrasound check or every two weeks for a Fetal Fibronectin Test (fFN). The ultrasound would check the cervix and uterus, but is more frequent and less conclusive. The fFN is a lab test used to detect the possibility of preterm labor. The fFN test is more expensive, less frequent, but also more conclusive. If the test comes back negative, then the chances of you delivering in the next 2 weeks is <3%. This is more reassuring for the doctor and may help him better plan and manage the pregnancy.  Either way, we will be seeing the doc more frequently, for sure. But, so far things look really good with no current indication of preterm labor or problems. Let’s hope it stays that way!

So far I have been feeling pretty good. I’m getting a big enough belly now that it’s not a ‘bump’ anymore, but rather a gigantic bulge. No questions about it now! (Although every week at church at least one person says, “I didn’t know you were expecting!”  Well, yes…it’s true.)  I’ve started with the usual pregnancy aches and pains. The sciatic nerve is my new best friend. I visit the potty more than I ever thought was possible in a 24 hour period. And, watching me get up or roll over is quite entertaining to watch, I’m sure.  But, all that stuff is a minor trade off for the reassurance of growing babies. I LOVE to feel them kicking and moving around. When they are too still and quiet I get a little nervous. But, in time I start to feel the circus again, and am happy to feel my little ones ‘talk’ to me. Jerry’s even felt some kicks. Sometimes I’m amazed at how strong they must be to make such moves. At times I’m impressed with the action!  I like to think I can tell who’s moving based upon where the movement comes from. Either way, it’s my favorite part of pregnancy.  Love to feel their happy moves.

The past two weeks of bed rest have been more of a challenge than I thought they’d be. Everyone thinks they’d like the excuse to lie around for 6 hours a day, but it gets quite old really fast. When you are pregnant, laying down isn’t the most comfortable thing, either. Pretty soon your back, hips, and legs start to hurt. Your brain goes crazy thinking about all the things you ‘should’ be doing. And…pretty much boredom is inevitable. But, I’m not complaining! The six hours has been a little hard to get in each day. Some days I’m more obedient than others. It’s a blessing to have Brooklyn in school. I can be down while she is at school, and pretty much nobody knows the difference. I can’t imagine having to be down with little kids at home during the day. That would be tough. Dinner is less exciting than it used to be, and the laundry gets done a day or two later, but all in all it’s not been too bad.

I’m grateful for Jerry and all his help. I’ve worked a whole lot less than we are used to, so he’s carrying all the financial responsibilities and more of the house duties, too. He spoiles me, for sure. But, as the farmer neighbor said the other day, “That’s an expensive crop to have go bad.”  Yes, farmer Layne, we are wanting to protect our crop J!  Brooklyn has been a great helper too.  She’s great at getting me things I need and even tells me when I need to lay down. She’s been a pretty happy girl for having such changes come about in her world. They are getting used to doing things that I need and pampering their mommy more. They are helping to make a great team. I couldn’t do it without them!  I also have so many people offering to help with anything if I need it. I’m grateful to say that things are going well for now, but love knowing that my great family and friends are there for us! I really have been blessed so far and don’t have much to complain or worry about. It’s been such a great time in our lives!!

Baby(ies) Bump Begins!

Editor's Note: Should have been posted January 20th. Info was misplaced and not posted. Ooops.

I thought a quick update after seeing the doctor last week would be appropriate…

 I am currently 16, going on 17 weeks along.  There is now an obvious little ‘baby bump’ going on, and I’ve given in to those comfy maternity pants. Yep…the ones with the big, wide elastic band than fits over the tummy…the ones Jerry loves! I decided I’m definitely old enough to opt for comfort rather than style. Getting used to the change in belly size is still a little unusual for me. I’ve been able to at least ‘suck it in’ for the past long while, and now I can’t! I’m kind of enjoying the excuse that I don’t have to, though J  Trying to find something to wear to church is a little distressing, I’ve found. But, all the clothes drama is a problem I can’t complain about too much with such a great reward to look forward to.

A little over a week ago we saw Dr Hartman again. Jerry and my mom were able to be there. That was fun to have them both with me. It was pretty much just a regular check up. We were hoping that he’d be able to tell the gender of the babies, but I wasn’t holding my breath for anything. I mostly get anxious just to see the heartbeats and know that all is well. As far as the doctor was concerned, all was well that day. He’s never been too particular about how big they are or which is which yet. He looks mostly at their movement and responses as he moves the ultrasound around. He tried really hard to see if he could determine what combination of boys/girls we had, but wasn’t exactly sure. He thought he had a good look at the one and was pretty positive, but wouldn’t say either way about the other. So, I’m not saying a thing until we know both for sure! We aren’t hoping for a specific one or the other, just two healthy babies.

Dr Hartman did want me to schedule an appointment with the ultrasound tech in the next three weeks, and then go back to see him three weeks after that. I see the tech the 8^th of February. That will be the big ultrasound to check the development of the babies, the health of the pregnancy, and of course the genders. After I see Dr Hartman later, then I will be seeing him about every two weeks. He seems to be very cautious and concerned about preventing preterm labor. He plans that I won’t go to my official due date in July, but does want to take every precaution to keep them from coming too soon. Of course this is good and I want to do anything to ensure healthy babies, too. His statements revolved around March-May being the most critical time to have preterm labor or delivery because the babies are unable to survive or will most likely have a poor outcome. Naturally, we all think that the end of the pregnancy is the most critical, and there are definitely reasons to go as long as possible. But, his main focus is reaching a point where the babies would have the ability to survive and have the greatest outcome, He is still pretty adamant about being down six hours during the day starting in March and not working too much. That will all be interesting. But, his philosophy makes sense, and I trust that he has enough experience to know.

For now, I’m trying to not think about how that will all work out. Things are going well and for that I am grateful. We were able to visit my brother Nick and his family in Texas last week. They have twin baby girls, and wow, were my eyes opened to the lifestyle change we will have! I was in shock and amazement at how much happens in their life each day with twins and two other young ones. I’m now mentally preparing for that J  I also realized that I will be so grateful to have Brooklyn at her age who will be such a great helper.  Their twins were so precious and sweet, though, and I am now even more excited to hold and love my own little ones.  I still can’t believe the crazy truth that this is happening. Each day gets more exciting. 

January Twins Update

I have no good excuses for being so late on updating the blog! The holidays always seem to take over when they roll around, and the new year usually starts off with plenty on the list. But, never the less, it’s time to catch up with all that’s been happening.

         The holidays this year were, for us, probably some of the best we will ever remember. Just before Thanksgiving we learned that we were expecting twins. My brother and his wife had also just had their twins, who were two tiny miracles still in the NICU, but doing well.  My sister had just become engaged to be married, and so many great things were happening. At Thanksgiving, we truly were grateful in deeper ways than we had ever remembered. Not only had so many prayers been answered, but our whole family was being abundantly blessed with more than we had ever expected.  The turkey dinners and mashed potatoes held a new meaning this year as we reflected on the blessings in our lives.  I dare say that it was more humbling to count our many blessings than ever before.

         Christmas was an extension of those great feelings of gratitude.  I know pregnancy brings out a lot of unusual emotions, but I couldn’t help but think of Mary and her sweet baby.  Of course, she knew who He would be and the great responsibility and blessing it was to be a mother weighed heavy on her heart. And, although I am far from worthy of comparison to Mary, I kept thinking of the plan and purpose that Heavenly Father has for these little babies of ours. I couldn’t help but wonder why it was such a process to even get this far and why did we have to wait so long? With statistics against us, why did they both progress and why were they coming as twins? What were they going to accomplish in this life? Maybe some of this is just logistics, but the Christmas season brought so much reflection of miracles, the Father’s plan for us as individuals, and the importance of righteous families bringing children into the world.  I felt a new responsibility to make sure that I was the mother I needed to be to these babies and Brooklyn, now and in the future.  Of course, the emotions of the season are always strong, but this year they were almost overwhelming at times. Even Jerry caught the emotion-bug and we both had several times when it was too difficult to hold back the tears. We were so full of such gratitude for the whole experience, the blessings received from others, the success of the process, the health of mom and babies, and the promises and challenges that lie ahead in the future.  As a family we tried really hard to focus on thinking of and serving others because we had felt so blessed. We really wanted Brooklyn to feel and understand that the miracles in our family were only possible with the generous blessings, love, and prayers of so many others. So, we did things like the 12 days of Christmas to a family near us who are struggling, and tried to help her focus on opportunities for service and gratitude during the season.  Many of the gifts we gave or received were a reflection of the miracles and blessings we had experienced. It was an emotional Christmas season, but a wonderful way to celebrate the birth of our Savior, the plan of our Heavenly Father, and the many ways He blesses us.

         The new year has brought more busy days…back to school and real life, back to work after a nice long holiday break, and back to a more normal schedule for all of us. Jerry’s work had stayed very busy due to a damaging wind storm just before the holidays. Brooklyn came down with a nasty cold and a double ear infection the first week back to school. I’ve started getting a fatter tummy, and actually worked a little, and life is back in full swing.

         The babies are getting bigger! I’ve been seeing my doctor every 3-4 weeks. This week I will be 15 weeks into the pregnancy, and it’s starting to show. Not ready for maternity clothes yet, but the regular jeans are ‘unbutton-able’ now.  Mostly I just feel like I ate way too much! I am feeling a lot better than I had been over the holidays, though. I had forgotten how yucky you can feel being nauseated all the time. I was not so sick that I couldn’t continue with daily life, but it sure does wear you down. For the last three weeks or so I’ve felt much better and am grateful for that!  I do get hungry a lot, and am still a little picky about what sounds good to eat. But if you know me, I can eat most anything. I haven’t had any real specific cravings, but have liked fresh and ‘clean’ food. I have felt more tired than I expected, but again, not too much to complain about. I could be in bed for 12 hours a night and still want a nap…but who gets a nap!? Bed time is always a welcome sight. Jerry and Brooklyn have been so loving and helpful to me, though. They are both so patient and helpful when I need them to be. They like to rub the Buddha belly already and we talk about possible names for the little ones. Brooklyn is pretty funny and intent on what she wants to name them and what they will be. She is getting more and more excited. It’s fun to watch.

         I see the doctor tomorrow for a checkup. At the 12 week visit the end of December, both babies were moving a lot and seemed happy.  The doctor said that if they were moving that much they most likely had normal brains and normal spinal cords…never thought of that but it seemed appropriate. I was glad to hear it. You could see their arms and legs and hands and feet.  They looked like little people and not just gummy bears.  So much of the development and formation of the body occurs early in the pregnancy. It’s amazing to think about how much has already happened in just a few weeks. Within the next visit or two we should know the gender of the babies. So, maybe in a month when we know for sure, we will make an announcement. Now they will start to put on more weight and concentrate on growing. It will be fun to see how they change.  Our fridge is plastered with ultrasound pictures to remind us of the fun and crazy blessings we love already!

         We continue to be amazed that we are even in this situation. It’s been interesting to watch people react to the news and who is interested to hear more. Those who know the whole story obviously seem to be more connected and appreciative of the progress. And, those family members and friends closest to us are still our greatest source of encouragement and support.  I love to observe the ‘human experiment’ of this. For us, it’s still very personal and emotionally close to the surface.  Every day we pray in gratitude for the blessing we’ve received, and then plead for continued help and blessings. We are so grateful for the thoughts and support from our loved ones…our great family and friends!