48 Hours!

June 22...37 weeks...48 hrs to go!

So, it's Friday afternoon, and these babies are scheduled to be born on Sunday! I seriously can't believe it.  About a year ago, Jerry and I started talking about this whole InVitro process and thinking about whether or not we should do it. Well, we did it, thanks to so much help from so many people, and here we are. It's crazy to think that these next few days are the culmination of all the thoughts, doctor visits, finances, emotions, bed rest, and other preparations we've experienced. It's the most exciting part of the whole experience. I have some mixed emotions. I'm of course excited to finally have these babies here--we've waited many years. But, I'm also going to miss the anticipation, the baby "kicks" and the little moments of excitement that have come with this journey. I know that will all be replaced with the busy, and yet exciting, days and nights of caring for two newborns. I feel like it's a chapter of this journey that's ending, and a new chapter of excitement is about to begin.

Yesterday we had our final visit in the office with Dr Hartman. It was another non-stress test and the babies behaved very well. They were both reactive fairly quickly...telling me they are ready to enter the world :)  Last Monday we had another ultrasound and things again looked normal. He didn't measure them on Monday, which I was a little disappointed about, but I guess it will be a big surprise as to how big they are at birth. My guess is about 5 1/2 lbs each....we'll see if mommy knows what she's talking about!  It was official on Thursday that we are scheduled for a c-section on Sunday, June 24th at 12:00 noon. We need to be at the hospital at 10:00 for preparations. Grandma and Grandpa will be staying with Brooklyn that morning and will then bring her to meet her brother and sister! The c-section option has really been an internal struggle for my brain lately. With the one baby staying in the breech position for so long, I pretty much had made up my mind that a c-section would be best. Jerry and I talked about it and decided to just go in that direction. Well, as children often do, little baby girl decided to change things up and turn sideways and then turned all the way head down. Now, a normal delivery seemed much more doable. So, for a few days I kept trying to talk myself into or out of and justify one way or the other. Was I taking the easy way out if I chose one over the other? Would it be safer or better one way or the other? Am I a better mother one way or the other? It just about drove me crazy. The doctor did say that on Saturday night she might be facing one way and be turned around again on Sunday, so there is no real way to guarantee anything. Jerry is much better at making a decision and not looking back. I, on the other hand, always second guess myself and rethink my decisions. There are risks and benefits to each mode of delivery. I wished someone would just tell me what to do.  In the end, Jerry and I decided that we both feel less stress for the babies during the delivery is what we desire most. Plus, to keep my brain from going crazy, we decided to keep the c-section plan and appointment and make it official. Having a date on the calendar has helped me prepare my mind. I'm totally a "put it on the calendar" kind of girl and like having it on the family schedule :)  I guess I'll never know which decision is the "right" decision, but I feel good about our current plan and hope all turns out well. My friends and family who have been in similar situations have given me all their good advice...they all survived, so I guess I will too :) The babies might be a little shocked as they enter the world abruptly, leaving their nice home of 9 months, but I hope it will be a happy birthday for our two little monkeys.

I have been thinking a lot about the family changes that will take place. In all honesty, this is a huge change for us--an exciting change, but a huge one! The other night we took Brooklyn to a movie and we wondered if it would be the last time we go out as a family of three. For a while we were convinced that we would always be a family of three. And, at one point, we were all happy with that. Now, as the birth of the twins is very  much a reality, I think there will be days we miss our little family of three...as excited as we are to have these babies. But, we've been used to being able to go where and when we want. Nobody needs a diaper bag or a nap. We've made a pretty good threesome for many years. I think about the changes that Brooklyn is experiencing and will continue to experience. I want to make sure she feels loved, important, and unique as we expand our family. I let her pick out the clothes and blankets to bring the babies home from the hospital in. She's helped me pack the diaper bags and wash and fold the clothes. She likes to hug and pat my tummy.  She's been a good sport and seems excited.  I'm sure she feels a little bit sad too, as her relationships are about to change. I'm trying to keep her in the front of my mind to include her, love her, and help her adjust. Tomorrow will be our last day as a family of three. We're going to see a "Brooklyn movie,"  eat dinner where she wants to eat, and then spend the evening looking through her baby book and talking about the great day when she was born. She has some 'big sister' shirts and plans to have a movie night in the hospital with me. I think there will be lots of excitement and joy, but I anticipate some moments of emotion also.  So, again, its a bag of mixed emotions as we anticipate the big changes to come in the next few days. 

On the other hand, we've worked and waited for these sweet babies for a long time, and they are joining our family in less than two days! I still can't believe this is happening. So many friends and family are just as excited as we are about welcoming these little ones. They have hoped, cried, prayed, sacrificed, and waited along with us. We've experienced so many miracles along the way. We've had great moments of elatement and joy. To think that it's all happening now is overwhelming and emotional. I picture in my mind the moment I get to hold the babies we've dreamed of for more than seven years...it's amazing to dream about, and I know it will be amazing to experience. I hope I can absorb it all and enjoy every moment. We've had a lot of great moments as a family, and I think this will be one of the greatest...a family of five, with more and more love to share!