I decided it was really time to get serious about this when the neighbor boy posed a question to me. We were over at his house helping with some work and little 5 year old "K" said to me, "Katy...I want to ask you a question." Naturally I said, "Sure, what is it?" K then climbed up the rocks and put his hand up to my ear as I crouched down and he whispered, "So...where are your other kids? Do you have some more?" His innocence made me smile and chuckle. He whispered because even he thought it was a socially taboo subject. But like so many, he too was curious. Coming from a family of 6 children, he knew there must be more somewhere! I gave him my prepared speech that I've given so many times before saying, "Well, right now we have just Brooklyn. We would like to have more children, but they just haven't been able to come yet. They are stuck up in Heaven somewhere. Hopefully some day they will come to our family." He looked at me slightly confused that I couldn't just do something about that situation, but seemed satisfied and went along his way. At that moment I realized that "someday" will soon be gone, and now is the day to set aside my fears and make it happen.
When Brooklyn was a little over 1yr, we decided it was time to try again for another baby. I had miscarried a pregnancy before her, but twice had no problem conceiving and didn't expect anything to be different. After about a year of no success, I spoke with my physician about our troubles and he gave us some suggestions and encouragement. Another year went by and again we readdressed the issue and he had more suggestions. We tried this and that. I went in on certain days to have things checked. I had ultra sounds and tests. Some things were easy and others not so easy. We gave up for a while, then went back for more. Nothing was covered by our insurance, so we went in spurts of focused effort for a while, then backed down when the funds got low. Then later we'd start again where we left off. This doctor did not want to put me on medications because all the tests and procedures had proved that things were "normal." He feared adverse effects from meds when there wasn't an obvious problem to fix. Well, nothing was working, so I thought that was a problem. I finally decided to see another physician, Dr. Hartman--of no relation, but ironic. Dr Hartman agreed that medication may be helpful, but that further testing at the U of U was going to be the next step. I went on medication, and Jerry went to the U. Again, normal results. After a while we tried another medication. Between the expense and feeling sick on the meds, I needed a break. Of course, we were still hoping and trying. At my next appointment with Dr Hartman, we agreed to do a few more tests, but he basically said he was confused and In-Vitro at the U was his next suggestion. Jerry had another test at the U that came back normal, and again my screenings were normal also. Nearly three years with Dr Hartman had passed, and we were still in the same boat going no where. In-Vitro sounded so expensive and so intense. I wasn't ready. Financially we were not in a position to drop thousands of dollars at once. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. We took a break. For a while we settled into the idea that it was just going to be us three. And that was Ok. We have a pretty great lifestyle; no diaper bags, no bottles, the girl can dress herself and feed herself. We can pick up and go without worrying about nap time, and we spend lots of time together. But, after thinking and hoping for such things for so long, it doesn't just go away. Recently, Jerry and I again agreed that we need to make one last attempt. At a yearly appointment early this summer, I discussed with the doctor a few other options. An ultrasound was normal, he restarted me on medication, and I left with a referral to see Dr Peterson and the U of U for an In-Vitro consult. So, on Wednesday, August 17th, we will learn our fate and what the next few months will hold.
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