Blessings and Challenges

Wow...blessings and challenges...where do I begin? Seven years seems like a long time in the world of infertility. But, in all reality, time flies. For eight years we've been raising Brooklyn, built a few homes, moved a few times, had job changes and work, been busy at church, took some great vacations, and have just had a happy life to live. We've been so blessed in lots of different ways.

One of the main ways I think we've been blessed is to have a focused relationship with Brooklyn. We do so many things together with her. If we go out to eat, she comes with us. When we have a late night popcorn and movie party, she's right there in the middle. Just the other day I took her to the local Fat-Cats and we went bowling, played arcade games, and had pizza...just the two of us. When it's her birthday, the whole week is dedicated to her...family party, friends party, etc...and no brothers or sisters to 'bug her,' as she would say. Friends are a big part of her life, too. We've had to practically adopt a friend or two to help her stay busy and entertained. She's also been able to go and do a lot of things that most kids wouldn't be able to do...just because it's cheaper to pay for one kid and not 5! When we decide to get a babysitter and leave her home, it's a little lonely. Nice to be alone, but we always feel someone is missing. It's a unique relationship. Some may say she gets spoiled, but I think it's been a great blessing to be able to know her so well, focus on her, and try to be able to meet her needs without being pulled in lots of other directions by other children. Sometimes families with several children say it's difficult to meet each child's individual needs and have enough one-on-one time together. We, on the other hand, have the opposite challenge. Raising an only child has its difficult moments, too. Sometimes I feel bad that she is always the focus. For instance, Family Home Evening...very boring if you are the only child who has to listen to mom and dad talk. She probably gets tired of answering all the questions! If she does something naughty, she's the only suspect...no little brother to blame. And when she doesn't eat her dinner, we both look at her and start counting bites. However, those small challenges set aside, there are so many great things about our relationship. She gets to hold both our hands when we go for a walk. Every night at bedtime she gets a 'lay-by,' just because we can. Our time, money, and energy is spent trying to raise a great kid, and so far, I think she's pretty great. Raising an only child for 8 years has had its challenges at times, for both her and us, but I think it's also been one of our greatest blessings. We are blessed to have Miss B as the third and best part of our little family.

An interesting blessing I think Heavenly Father has blessed us with is an eternal perspective. I know and hear of so many women who are depressed, sad, and even bitter and mad about their family situations...either infertility, unexpected or too many kids, family members who are jealous or insensitive...you name it. This is an interesting life, and often things do not usually go as we plan. I know I didn't plan on lots of things in my life. But, I do feel that we've been blessed with content spirits and minds. We've wanted more children and tried to do what we can to get them here. That process innately brings with it stress and grief at times, but I've never felt ashamed, jealous, bitter, or angry in relation to this. People ask me if it's hard to go to baby showers or see family members having babies....absolutely not! I am so excited and happy for their sweet little bundles of joy.  Of course, I just want to hold and love those precious babies. I truly think this has been a blessing in my life--to allow me to be happy and content with our situation. It's not as we planned, but our lives have been blessed, still. I've been grateful for the ability to live without those bitter feelings that I could have. We've been able to live happily, peacefully, and with the eternal perspective that our family may be little, but we are a happy family. And, maybe those little babies who are 'stuck in heaven' will come later...whenever that is.

The other blessing that comes to my mind has more recently become a focus of my thoughts. All along the way we have been so blessed with family support. Over the years we've had family prayers and fasts, moments of concern and talks. It's become a lot more intense these past few weeks. I am part of the greatest family. Again, I know of so many families who can't get along or who don't talk at all. I'm part of the other kind of family...we know a lot about each other and help each other. The blessing of family support has always been evident in our lives, but I have been so humbled by the love that has been poured upon us recently. Our relationships have been strengthened, our communication has increased, and our love has grown. As my brother Nick said, "That's what good brothers do."  And my brothers and sister are not just good, they are great. They are great because my parents are great and taught us to be so. Jerry's family has also been so supportive and positive. They do a lot of babysitting when Brooklyn can't come with me...a huge help. My extended family has been so full of love and support. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...all have shown such great concern and love for us. My family has been such a blessing, and I am so grateful for the family relationships I have. This too, though, has been a great challenge for me. I am learning a lot about humility. A great challenge for me personally is to accept such love when I know each family member has their own challenges they are experiencing. Just within my own family we have a long list of adventures happening right now...a family living in Texas while expecting twins, a family in graduate school and also expecting a baby, a brother starting graduate school who just moved to the other side of the country, a sister starting a new job as a teacher, a mom and dad with teaching jobs of their own, demanding church callings, and 5 kids to keep straight! The challenging part for me is knowing of each of their personal challenges, and yet humbly accepting and feeling of their love for me. As the big sister I like to be the one to help them, but they are helping me--despite their own busy lives and responsibilities. The humility part is a great personal challenge. But again, the blessing of a great family is well worth a big piece of 'humble pie.'

Of course, I have to put in a little plug for my dear Jerry. Our relationship has grown so much through this and other challenges. When we built our first house we thought that was a stressful and strengthening event in our relationship. Well, little did we know that was the first of many experiences to come. Specifically, though, this journey has brought us together in a unique way. We've had to talk a lot about what we want, what we are willing to do, how much money we want to spend, are we ready for the changes that another child will bring, and do we want to adopt or pursue having a biological baby. I think this has asked us to look into ourselves and our relationship and ask some hard, deep questions. We've learned so much about ourselves and each other. And, as I've had thoughts or feelings about something, Jerry has always been so supportive. He's been there for the not-so-pleasant moments and supported everything we've needed to do to get this far. We've learned to support and sacrifice for each other. Of all the other blessings, our relationship has been the greatest, and I'm so happy and blessed to share this with him.