....Moment of Truth

Yesterday was the day that could potentially change the future of our family!  It was transfer day, and the day the little embryos that have been growing in the lab were returned to their momma. Hopefully they are growing and developing well…like good, obedient children should J

         Today I am resting on the couch as part of a three day ‘bed rest’ stent. Once the embryos are transferred, they want you to stay calm and rested to promote implantation and acceptance within the mother’s body. For someone like me, this has been somewhat of a challenge, but it’s a nice excuse to catch up on some of those relaxing things that always seem to end up on the bottom of the ‘to do’ list. I’ve been able to get up here and there, and have been enjoying myself, actually.

Since the retrieval on Friday, the embryologists have been watching our little embryos grow and develop and divide. They called us twice to update us on their progress. Things were going as expected, so the plan was made to do the transfer at the five day mark.

On Wednesday we arrived at the clinic for our appointment at 9:30. The waiting room was pretty empty and we sat for only a minute. The assistant took us back and smiled and asked, “Are you excited for today?”  It was pretty exciting, but I seem to try to not get too excited in fear of being disappointed. However, it was the day we could potentially be officially pregnant…that thought is exciting.  She took us back to the transfer room where I again met the big, green chair.  But, this time Jerry was able to stay with me!  The room didn’t look so daunting this time. The huge spotlight was there…the one of my dream from last time, along with the ultrasound machine and some sterile ‘embryo transfer trays’.  We sat in the room for a few minutes until Dr Peterson came in to talk with us.

         The first thing he did was hand us a little black folder with a picture of the two healthiest embryos. He said, “Well, here is a picture of your babies.”   Oh my…that was a heavy reality check. They looked like little circles filled with bubbles. It was quite amazing to look at the results of all this work, hope and prayers of the past few months, and even years. It was a great moment. Dr Peterson had my chart and all the numbers related to the progress of the embryos and available number of healthy ones to possibly transfer. He shared with us the risks related to twins and multiples as well as the percentages of success and loss.  He showed us a chart with the numbers of embryos “they” (whoever ‘they’ are) suggest to transfer for people like me. He gave us some time to talk about it and left the room for a little while…after dimming the lights and turning on some nice music, of course J Jerry and I talked about it, weighing the risks and numbers, but both feeling that the transfer of two was right for us. The doctor came back in, asking if we had decided. We asked a few questions and shared our thoughts. He said, “If you were my daughter I would feel comfortable with the transfer of either one or two.”   He also said that some people choose one based upon what they are willing to deal with in the future. Some people are not wanting to deal with the risks, or two babies, or possible complications. We needed to decide what we were willing to accept; what we are comfortable with. He then gave us a few more minutes to discuss, and left the room again.  Again, Jerry and I looked at each other and both felt that same reassuring feeling that we needed to transfer two. Jerry reminded me of that obvious and overwhelming feeling we had when we first met Dr Peterson at our consultation. We knew that the University of Utah was the right place for us. Again, we knew this was the right choice for us. When the doctor came back in, we quickly discussed our decision, and he said. “I think that is a great choice.”  We signed the paperwork and prepped for the actual procedure.

         Before long the doctor was dropping two Valium in my hand and was telling me to relax.  About five minutes later he and his medical student came in with their hair nets and masks and he tipped the magical chair back. The medical assistant brought me a pillow and blankets, and the embryologist came in to verify my name. He had a vial of pink fluid with my name and birth date on it. Both Jerry and I had to verify the correct name and then the doctor did. Glad to know we were completing our checks and balances!  By this time I was feeling a little sleepy. I was making sense and not in the twilight zone like last time, but was relaxed and comfortable. The medical assistant was in charge of the ultrasound on my belly, and the doctor started the procedure while the embryologist prepped the baby solution with those two little embryos. At one point, Dr Peterson said, “ Now, look up on the screen behind my head and you will see Tony (the embryologist in the adjacent room) show your name up on the screen and then you’ll see your babies as he loads the transfer catheter. He’ll then bring that loaded catheter out to me.”  Just as he said, my name scrolled across the screen, then we saw those little bubble-filled circles. He then sucked them up into the little catheter. That was pretty wild. Tony then walked through the door that separates the transfer room and the IVF lab. He was holding something tightly in both of his hands and then knelt down next to the doctor.  Jerry said he was down by the doctor for a little while, and we both wonder if he was actually the one to transfer the embryos…he’s been the one babysitting them for the past few days, plus there would be a huge risk of dropping or loosing those expensive babies if the ‘handoff’ didn’t go well. So, we kind of think he and the doctor work together to get them in the right place, but that the embryologist is the one who actually handles them.  After the transfer, he and the doctor then verified that both embryos were transferred and nothing was left ‘sticking’ to the catheter. A few more minutes of finish up from the doctor, and it was done. It probably took 15-20 minutes and was painless and easy. The assistant then tucked me in with more pillows and blankets and I was to lay there flat for 30minutes more.

         It was kind of a surreal moment. We’ve been thinking about, hoping, praying, and working for this moment for so long that I was trying to take it all in and enjoy the moment. In all reality, this could be the actual minute and day that our family life changes forever. I thought about the journey, the great blessings we’ve experienced, and the ways we’ve grown closer together. I thought about those little embryos…or babies…that might be ours. I thought, too, that whatever the outcome, this has been an amazing experience. The miracle of modern medicine has made the impossible a possibility for us, and we were both so grateful.  Things had gone so well for us and we were grateful for the skills and compassion of the great staff at the UCRM. (Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine)   It was a happy moment…a little sleepy moment…but a great and happy moment.

         We again got Café Rio on the way home (I hope it’s the baby cravings starting J) and went home to rest. The valium made me pretty sleepy for the rest of the afternoon, but I’ve been feeling great.  We’ll go back in November for a blood draw pregnancy test and then an ultrasound later if that test is positive.  In the meantime, I continue those nice big progesterone shots each day. We have a few weeks of long waiting until the big reveal. I’m not quite sure how or when we will decide to let everyone know the results, so stay tuned. It will be an interesting moment, for sure!  Up until this point everything has been calculated, scientific, and planned. From this point on, it’s up to nature and the plan of our Heavenly Father. We are hopeful, but cautiously optimistic…because we must remember reality…but hope our wishes and dreams will come true!

         We continue to be so grateful each day for all those along the way who have made this possible. So many people are concerned and supportive that it’s humbling each day to be part of such a great opportunity and community of love.

         *For those interested in knowing the details, numbers, and what a miracle it is that conception is even possible, read on.  We are a pretty average couple in good health and with very few reasons for complications. I am over 30, and that was the biggest concern (I never thought that was such a big deal, but in the world of infertility,  that’s ‘getting older.’) Other than that, we are healthy with good lab values and other test results. So, keep in mind that we are “normal” and these numbers still reflect higher than natural numbers due to the IVF stimulation hormones.  The statistical success of any healthy pregnancy is a miracle!

        

         Eggs Retrieved: 16     (Friday)

         Eggs that were mature: 11

         Eggs that fertilized naturally: 9

         Fertilized eggs that began to divide normally: 8    (Sunday)

         Embryos that continued to mature:  7  (Wednesday)

         Embryos that were ‘best quality’ and able to transfer:  2      (So remaining #is 5)

         Embryos that stopped growing and started to die: 2     (Thursday)

         Embryos remaining with the possibility to freeze: 3  (2 healthy, and 1 of lower quality)

         Anticipated number of remaining embryos that would survive the cryopreservation and thaw cycle for another round of Invitro: 1-2

         Science is amazing. The fact that our bodies can create a perfect little life from such tiny cells…absolutely Divine. Be grateful for your little ones and the miracles and Plan that brought them here.