2 for 1? Yes Please!

TWINS…who would have thought!?!

Oh wow! I know the word has already been spread abroad, but it’s time for an update about the great news we received last week.  After having positive test results a few weeks ago, we waited anxiously to actually see what was happening. The numbers were promising, but I wanted to see something on the ultrasound screen to prove that it really wasn’t a dream! It was an exciting day…

            My appointment wasn’t until the afternoon at 1:00.  That being the case, we of course love to eat, and arranged a lunch date with our good friend Rich Abby.  Rich and Jerry have been friends for a long while, as Rich used to be in the roofing industry. Rich has Lou Gehrig’s disease. We’ve had several wonderful experiences with Rich over the past few years as he has required increased physical help to do some of the things he loves. We enjoy spending time with him and helping him, and Jerry especially has a soft place in his heart for Rich.  Rich, along with so many others, has also played an integral role in some of the financial blessings that have allowed us to experience InVitro.  So, it was only appropriate that we met him for lunch, near his home and the clinic, prior to hearing the news.  Rich struggles with the simple tasks of life such as walking, eating, and speaking. It was so humbling to be with him for a little while and remember how very blessed we have been. We were experiencing miracles, and yet he was so happy for us and supportive even though his world is deteriorating. It was a solemn moment, but a great moment to once again be grateful for so many blessings.  It would have been wonderful to enjoy time with each person who has helped make this possible for us.

I must say that I was still cautiously optimistic about the results. I was excited and hoping that things were perfect and wonderful. But, at the same time, I was cautious about being disappointed. I know I should have more faith. I try. But, after being disappointed for many years, and after investing so much time, emotion, and money, I felt like I needed to prepare my heart and mind for all the possibilities. A survival technique, you might say.  The ‘chemical’ pregnancy and the ‘confirmed’ pregnancy were a big difference in my head. I’ve been there before after having a positive test and then feeling the awkward silence when there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound. I didn’t want to experience that again. I wanted so much to believe that ‘multiples’ as the nurse said earlier was true, but I wanted also to not be shocked if the ultrasound showed nothing. I tear myself up inside sometimes trying to balance faith, hope, and possible reality. I was comforted somewhat by the fact that the program we were part of ensured a second IVF cycle if this was not a confirmed pregnancy. But, I was also reminded that we have done all we can, we had been so very blessed thus far, and we can expect the Lord to continue to bless us.  We had transferred two embryos knowing that both may not work. I was hoping for a least one sweet little baby, and that would be enough to make our dreams come true.

The appointment was with Dr Hammoud.  I’ve actually seen him the most through the whole process, so it was probably appropriate that he would be the one to tell us the official news.  We checked in, they actually offered to bill our insurance (wow…finally!), and we again waited for only a few minutes. I must say how impressed I’ve been with the efficiency at the clinic! We then were taken to a part of the clinic we’d never been to before. Instead of being on the IVF side of the clinic, we were now part of the OB clients.  That was an interesting but positive thought.  The assistant set us up in the room and I asked some questions about how they determine the due date and such. She warned me that Dr Hammoud was just starting a procedure and would be a little while. She was right. We waited about 30 minutes. That was kind of a long wait. We were anxious.  He finally walked in with the nurse and shook our hands. He reviewed the chart and said that I was 6 weeks and 4 days along. They have some fancy addition and calendar trick to come up with the estimated days. Since he knew exactly the retrieval and transfer day, he was pretty sure of where we were. They’re so smart.  He’s a nice doctor…very calm, quiet, and yet reassuring.  He was smiling, and I think he too was a little excited to see what all this hard work was about to reveal.

As he started the ultrasound, I immediately recognized two little dark spots on the screen.  I’m not very ultrasound savvy, but I was guessing that the dark spots were fluid. The doctor panned back and forth. There were little white spots inside the dark spots. Finally, in his quiet accented voice, Dr Hammoud said, “Well, congratulations. You have two little babies here. Baby A and Baby B.”   That was one of the most surreal moments I’ve had for a long time.  He panned to each baby and showed us the little fluttering heartbeat of each. On the screen it wasn’t more than half a pencil eraser, but big enough to see the little heartbeats. There they were…the babies we have waited so long to see. He measured them. Each was measuring exactly 6 weeks and 4 days. He measured the fluids, ovaries, and other things to make sure things were normal. He then switched something on the machine and started looking for the heartbeats again. We could hear the swooshing, and when he got to the exact spot, this little heart was just beating strong and solid. That is every expectant mother’s favorite sound.  It was almost unbelievable. He measured the rate and intensity, and things were looking great. Oh, but wait…there was another heartbeat to listen to! He scanned to Baby B, and again, swooshing and beating.  Music to my ears.  It was so amazing to think that those were our little babies! We were seeing and hearing things we thought we may never hear or see. I just wanted to keep watching and listening. Even today, I can picture that moment and feel the way I did that day—so amazed, so grateful, and so humble. A little scared…but so excited.  The heartbeats were normal and Dr Hammoud seemed pleased with the way everything looked.  He was able to get a picture with both babies in the same frame, and its now hanging on our fridge…reminding us of the miracles we are blessed with. 

Dr Hammoud is one you have to listen to carefully. That day he was the most animated I’ve ever seen him.  I got a kick out of watching him see the results of all his hard work. It must be rewarding for them to give hope and miracles to families. He had some good things to say and was reassuring about the future of the pregnancy. He was kind of funny, too. My favorite lines from him were when he said, “Right now it’s Baby A and Baby B. You can change their names after they are born.”  The best was when he said, “Oh that’s so beautiful. I am so happy for you.”  His accent made it just great.  And, a personal favorite, “You did it!  Congratulations.  And…you are making our numbers look really good.”   I love that we are helping their statistics!  However, I did have to acknowledge that we only followed their directions. That moment was a reminder that without the medical minds and knowledge, we wouldn’t be there having that moment. We were dependent upon others for this whole journey and wonderful outcome.  I keep saying it, but we had a wonderful experience.  So, when he said that we are finished there, and to see my regular doctor as soon as I could, I was a little sad. I enjoyed the hour long drives back and forth while talking with Jerry. I enjoyed the progress we were making each week. And, the experiences we were having were positive and encouraging. So, I will miss the UCRM for now. Who knows, maybe we’ll be back there again some day for some reason. Together we had accomplished exactly what we set out to do. It was a little bit like finishing a great book or movie…exciting adventures and happy endings, yet a little sad that it’s over.  We are on to another exciting adventure, though.  

We are still very prayerful that things continue to go well, though. For some reason all the science and medication was a weird form of comfort that we were in ‘control’ and could manage and predict things. Now, after I finish the progesterone shots in mid December, it’s all up to Mother Nature and the divine plans for our family. Again, I’m trying to have faith and trust in the plan for us. Heavenly Father has blessed us so greatly, and things have gone so well. Hopefully these babies will continue to grow and develop well and my body will be a happy place for them.

Looking back, that was the best day. Sometimes I wonder why we have been so blessed. That was the sweetest moment Jerry and I have had together for a while. We’ve had lots of sweet and memorable moments together, especially lately, but this was incredible. The moment we’ve waited to have for seven years!  There are always a few moments that top the list of great things…getting married, the birth of your children…and this was one of those great moments.

O.M. Heck!!! :) Big Big News!

I know some of you are anxiously awaiting some news!  So, against my natural personality that likes to keep things quiet, I will make an announcement…..

On Monday we went to the UCRM for a blood test, and the results came back….PREGNANT!

We are still a little bit in shock ourselves, but so excited!  This is an early test, but the results were very positive and the nurse was very optimistic. I’ve thought about trying to keep things a secret for a little longer (like most normal people would do) but Jerry has reminded me that this experience has been far from “normal.”  We know so many loved ones have been following the story and are anxious to hear the outcome of such a wild ride, so I’ve decided it’s ok to share the good news—even if it seems kind of early. I have a confirmation viability scan (ultrasound) the week of Thanksgiving to confirm what the blood test revealed.  I think that will be reassuring for me. In the meantime, we are so very excited! It seems a little surreal.  I told my sister-in-law that she’s going to have to remind me about how to be pregnant…it’s been so long, I don’t remember!  We’ve had such an outpouring of love and excitement from our immediate family. They’ve been encouraging and excited right along with us.  With this good news, we are even more grateful for the support that has made such a miracle possible. We’re overwhelmed again by the financial, emotional, spiritual, and medical help that we’ve received allowing our dreams to come true. We are truly blessed.

Here’s the rundown of Monday….

It had been only 18 days since the retrieval on the 21^st of October. Although this isn’t the day they transferred the embryos which was the 26^th, it’s considered the conception date.  So, everything is based off that date. Jerry and I headed down early to the clinic for the test. We could come anytime between 8-9 and didn’t need an appointment. Jerry’s mom helped get Brooklyn to school so we could be there about 8:30.  I had one of those knots in my stomach the whole morning. This was going to be big news, one way or the other. On our way in, we saw 3-4 huge tanks of liquid nitrogen sitting in the hallway. They looked like big silver bullets, probably five feet tall and big enough around that it would take two people to ‘hug’ it.  Both of us thought of hundreds of little embryos…potential babies…sitting there in those tanks. I’m sure that’s not exactly the truth, but it was crazy to think of what’s frozen in there.  A reminder that this is partly a science project. We signed in and waited for about 5 min.  That whole morning we were anxious about what the news would be. We expected to get the results that morning there in the office. The phlebotomist came to get me and Jerry sat in the waiting room.  While waiting for the poke, I asked the phlebotomist how long it takes to get the results. She says, “Oh, they’ll call you this afternoon.”  What!  I was a little ticked all of the sudden.  She probably thought I was being nasty when I said back, “You are kidding me…my husband didn’t even need to come and now we have to wait for them to call us?”   I tried to be nice, but I wasn’t so impressed at the moment. I walked back out to Jerry and told him the new info. He wasn’t impressed either. He threatened to sit there until they came out and told us J.  I clarified the fact that they were ‘just going to call us’ with the medical assistant. She said, “I know, I’m sorry. We run all the tests at the same time. But we’ll call you before noon.”  I only had about 3 hours of waiting left in me, so that was good. It was kind of disappointing and frustrating. The whole way home I was bugged. I thought that on a personal level, after couples spend so much time, money, emotion and physical commitment, the least they could do was let you sit down with the physician and learn the fate of the rest of your life!  We both thought it wasn’t fair for them to give such news to the wife while she’s alone, over the phone. Needless to say, it was a long wait. Jerry went to work awaiting the phone call from me, and I went home and tried to pass the time.

Long after noon, my cell phone finally rang and it was the clinic. My heart was beating so fast and I felt sick again. It was the nurse, Heidi. She said, “It’s Heidi from the Reproductive Center, and I have your test results. You are pregnant.”  Of course, I start crying…I can’t talk, or hear, or see….I’m a mess.  I say, “Oh my. I was going to cry either way, but I can’t believe it.”  She sincerely asks if I’m ok for her to continue and if I have a pen to write some things down. A good question to ask J.  I now know why they don’t want you in the office when you hear the good or bad news—so many emotions to deal with!  She explained that with the blood test, they are looking for an HCG level that is greater than 100. Well, mine was 1445.  She said that with such a high number there is a greater possibility of multiples, and that it was a great indicator of the pregnancy.  I was instructed to continue the progesterone shots through December 16^th, after which they will reevaluate the need for meds. She scheduled the viability scan for the week of November 21^st and gave me more instructions about activity levels until then. (Dang…can’t work full time, exercise, nor do heavy yard/house work J) She then said, “And your due date is July 14^th.”  Ok, that was crazy! Here we have been waiting for 7 years, and now I have a due date. Boggles my mind, and I still have a hard time really grasping that idea.   It was a wonderful phone call, and my emotions were overwhelming for a while.  I was so full of gratitude for the blessings we had experienced and the love we’ve felt from our Heavenly Father and loved ones.  We literally could not have done this alone.  Once again, I’ll say that I believe in miracles.

I called Jerry…a little weird to tell him such news over the phone…and he came home when he could to give me a big hug and be happy together for a few moments. I called my mom who said, “Oh, honey!” and then my siblings and grandma.  As I was talking to my sister I was trying to be a little discrete because Brooklyn was in the room and we wanted to tell her together that night. I thought she had no clue of what I was talking about, but the little smarty pants knew all along. She didn’t say anything until right before dinner when I told her Mom and Dad had something fun to tell her. She nonchalantly says, “I already know, you are going to have a baby.” I tried to play it off and tell her she was silly, but then Jerry pulled in. She said, “I’m going to go ask Dad, then.”  Of course I thought Jerry would play coy too, but nope. He couldn’t.  We did try to have a little party and had a ‘picnic’ while watching a movie—Father of the Bride II, of course.  I think Brooklyn is genuinely excited. She thinks the best part will be “getting to feed it and putting it to bed.”  She’s asked me every day if she can tell her friends. It will take some effort to be sure she feels included in the other half of this adventure, but I think it will be fun for her.  It’s still not real for her either, I’m sure, but she will be a great helper and sister.

Well, there it is…the biggest news in our little family for a while. All while this has been happening, my side of the family has been full of other drama. Each of the five Staples children has been having big and exciting events happening.  Our adventure and news has been just one of those, but I am so grateful for parents who are concerned about and love us individually and for siblings who love and support each other.  I’m part of such a great family.

I’m anxious to have the ultrasound and see what that will tell us. It will be good to have that confirmation just before our holiday of gratitude. We have so much to be grateful for, and I’m glad that this time of year helps us remember and count our many blessings. For we truly have been blessed more than we could ever imagine. 

....Moment of Truth

Yesterday was the day that could potentially change the future of our family!  It was transfer day, and the day the little embryos that have been growing in the lab were returned to their momma. Hopefully they are growing and developing well…like good, obedient children should J

         Today I am resting on the couch as part of a three day ‘bed rest’ stent. Once the embryos are transferred, they want you to stay calm and rested to promote implantation and acceptance within the mother’s body. For someone like me, this has been somewhat of a challenge, but it’s a nice excuse to catch up on some of those relaxing things that always seem to end up on the bottom of the ‘to do’ list. I’ve been able to get up here and there, and have been enjoying myself, actually.

Since the retrieval on Friday, the embryologists have been watching our little embryos grow and develop and divide. They called us twice to update us on their progress. Things were going as expected, so the plan was made to do the transfer at the five day mark.

On Wednesday we arrived at the clinic for our appointment at 9:30. The waiting room was pretty empty and we sat for only a minute. The assistant took us back and smiled and asked, “Are you excited for today?”  It was pretty exciting, but I seem to try to not get too excited in fear of being disappointed. However, it was the day we could potentially be officially pregnant…that thought is exciting.  She took us back to the transfer room where I again met the big, green chair.  But, this time Jerry was able to stay with me!  The room didn’t look so daunting this time. The huge spotlight was there…the one of my dream from last time, along with the ultrasound machine and some sterile ‘embryo transfer trays’.  We sat in the room for a few minutes until Dr Peterson came in to talk with us.

         The first thing he did was hand us a little black folder with a picture of the two healthiest embryos. He said, “Well, here is a picture of your babies.”   Oh my…that was a heavy reality check. They looked like little circles filled with bubbles. It was quite amazing to look at the results of all this work, hope and prayers of the past few months, and even years. It was a great moment. Dr Peterson had my chart and all the numbers related to the progress of the embryos and available number of healthy ones to possibly transfer. He shared with us the risks related to twins and multiples as well as the percentages of success and loss.  He showed us a chart with the numbers of embryos “they” (whoever ‘they’ are) suggest to transfer for people like me. He gave us some time to talk about it and left the room for a little while…after dimming the lights and turning on some nice music, of course J Jerry and I talked about it, weighing the risks and numbers, but both feeling that the transfer of two was right for us. The doctor came back in, asking if we had decided. We asked a few questions and shared our thoughts. He said, “If you were my daughter I would feel comfortable with the transfer of either one or two.”   He also said that some people choose one based upon what they are willing to deal with in the future. Some people are not wanting to deal with the risks, or two babies, or possible complications. We needed to decide what we were willing to accept; what we are comfortable with. He then gave us a few more minutes to discuss, and left the room again.  Again, Jerry and I looked at each other and both felt that same reassuring feeling that we needed to transfer two. Jerry reminded me of that obvious and overwhelming feeling we had when we first met Dr Peterson at our consultation. We knew that the University of Utah was the right place for us. Again, we knew this was the right choice for us. When the doctor came back in, we quickly discussed our decision, and he said. “I think that is a great choice.”  We signed the paperwork and prepped for the actual procedure.

         Before long the doctor was dropping two Valium in my hand and was telling me to relax.  About five minutes later he and his medical student came in with their hair nets and masks and he tipped the magical chair back. The medical assistant brought me a pillow and blankets, and the embryologist came in to verify my name. He had a vial of pink fluid with my name and birth date on it. Both Jerry and I had to verify the correct name and then the doctor did. Glad to know we were completing our checks and balances!  By this time I was feeling a little sleepy. I was making sense and not in the twilight zone like last time, but was relaxed and comfortable. The medical assistant was in charge of the ultrasound on my belly, and the doctor started the procedure while the embryologist prepped the baby solution with those two little embryos. At one point, Dr Peterson said, “ Now, look up on the screen behind my head and you will see Tony (the embryologist in the adjacent room) show your name up on the screen and then you’ll see your babies as he loads the transfer catheter. He’ll then bring that loaded catheter out to me.”  Just as he said, my name scrolled across the screen, then we saw those little bubble-filled circles. He then sucked them up into the little catheter. That was pretty wild. Tony then walked through the door that separates the transfer room and the IVF lab. He was holding something tightly in both of his hands and then knelt down next to the doctor.  Jerry said he was down by the doctor for a little while, and we both wonder if he was actually the one to transfer the embryos…he’s been the one babysitting them for the past few days, plus there would be a huge risk of dropping or loosing those expensive babies if the ‘handoff’ didn’t go well. So, we kind of think he and the doctor work together to get them in the right place, but that the embryologist is the one who actually handles them.  After the transfer, he and the doctor then verified that both embryos were transferred and nothing was left ‘sticking’ to the catheter. A few more minutes of finish up from the doctor, and it was done. It probably took 15-20 minutes and was painless and easy. The assistant then tucked me in with more pillows and blankets and I was to lay there flat for 30minutes more.

         It was kind of a surreal moment. We’ve been thinking about, hoping, praying, and working for this moment for so long that I was trying to take it all in and enjoy the moment. In all reality, this could be the actual minute and day that our family life changes forever. I thought about the journey, the great blessings we’ve experienced, and the ways we’ve grown closer together. I thought about those little embryos…or babies…that might be ours. I thought, too, that whatever the outcome, this has been an amazing experience. The miracle of modern medicine has made the impossible a possibility for us, and we were both so grateful.  Things had gone so well for us and we were grateful for the skills and compassion of the great staff at the UCRM. (Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine)   It was a happy moment…a little sleepy moment…but a great and happy moment.

         We again got Café Rio on the way home (I hope it’s the baby cravings starting J) and went home to rest. The valium made me pretty sleepy for the rest of the afternoon, but I’ve been feeling great.  We’ll go back in November for a blood draw pregnancy test and then an ultrasound later if that test is positive.  In the meantime, I continue those nice big progesterone shots each day. We have a few weeks of long waiting until the big reveal. I’m not quite sure how or when we will decide to let everyone know the results, so stay tuned. It will be an interesting moment, for sure!  Up until this point everything has been calculated, scientific, and planned. From this point on, it’s up to nature and the plan of our Heavenly Father. We are hopeful, but cautiously optimistic…because we must remember reality…but hope our wishes and dreams will come true!

         We continue to be so grateful each day for all those along the way who have made this possible. So many people are concerned and supportive that it’s humbling each day to be part of such a great opportunity and community of love.

         *For those interested in knowing the details, numbers, and what a miracle it is that conception is even possible, read on.  We are a pretty average couple in good health and with very few reasons for complications. I am over 30, and that was the biggest concern (I never thought that was such a big deal, but in the world of infertility,  that’s ‘getting older.’) Other than that, we are healthy with good lab values and other test results. So, keep in mind that we are “normal” and these numbers still reflect higher than natural numbers due to the IVF stimulation hormones.  The statistical success of any healthy pregnancy is a miracle!

        

         Eggs Retrieved: 16     (Friday)

         Eggs that were mature: 11

         Eggs that fertilized naturally: 9

         Fertilized eggs that began to divide normally: 8    (Sunday)

         Embryos that continued to mature:  7  (Wednesday)

         Embryos that were ‘best quality’ and able to transfer:  2      (So remaining #is 5)

         Embryos that stopped growing and started to die: 2     (Thursday)

         Embryos remaining with the possibility to freeze: 3  (2 healthy, and 1 of lower quality)

         Anticipated number of remaining embryos that would survive the cryopreservation and thaw cycle for another round of Invitro: 1-2

         Science is amazing. The fact that our bodies can create a perfect little life from such tiny cells…absolutely Divine. Be grateful for your little ones and the miracles and Plan that brought them here.