Follow the "Heart The Hartmanns Project" as Katy, Jerry, and Brooklyn seek to add to their family. After 7 years of trying, some economic set backs, and doing absolutely everything they possibly can, the Hartmann family is ready for your help and participation. Use this blog to join in fundraising efforts, read the latest Hartmann news, and hopefully hear big announcements. Be a part of this great opportunity and "Heart The Hartmanns" by giving them your love and support.
48 Hours!
June 22...37 weeks...48 hrs to go!
So, it's Friday afternoon, and these babies are scheduled to be born on Sunday! I seriously can't believe it. About a year ago, Jerry and I started talking about this whole InVitro process and thinking about whether or not we should do it. Well, we did it, thanks to so much help from so many people, and here we are. It's crazy to think that these next few days are the culmination of all the thoughts, doctor visits, finances, emotions, bed rest, and other preparations we've experienced. It's the most exciting part of the whole experience. I have some mixed emotions. I'm of course excited to finally have these babies here--we've waited many years. But, I'm also going to miss the anticipation, the baby "kicks" and the little moments of excitement that have come with this journey. I know that will all be replaced with the busy, and yet exciting, days and nights of caring for two newborns. I feel like it's a chapter of this journey that's ending, and a new chapter of excitement is about to begin.
Yesterday we had our final visit in the office with Dr Hartman. It was another non-stress test and the babies behaved very well. They were both reactive fairly quickly...telling me they are ready to enter the world :) Last Monday we had another ultrasound and things again looked normal. He didn't measure them on Monday, which I was a little disappointed about, but I guess it will be a big surprise as to how big they are at birth. My guess is about 5 1/2 lbs each....we'll see if mommy knows what she's talking about! It was official on Thursday that we are scheduled for a c-section on Sunday, June 24th at 12:00 noon. We need to be at the hospital at 10:00 for preparations. Grandma and Grandpa will be staying with Brooklyn that morning and will then bring her to meet her brother and sister! The c-section option has really been an internal struggle for my brain lately. With the one baby staying in the breech position for so long, I pretty much had made up my mind that a c-section would be best. Jerry and I talked about it and decided to just go in that direction. Well, as children often do, little baby girl decided to change things up and turn sideways and then turned all the way head down. Now, a normal delivery seemed much more doable. So, for a few days I kept trying to talk myself into or out of and justify one way or the other. Was I taking the easy way out if I chose one over the other? Would it be safer or better one way or the other? Am I a better mother one way or the other? It just about drove me crazy. The doctor did say that on Saturday night she might be facing one way and be turned around again on Sunday, so there is no real way to guarantee anything. Jerry is much better at making a decision and not looking back. I, on the other hand, always second guess myself and rethink my decisions. There are risks and benefits to each mode of delivery. I wished someone would just tell me what to do. In the end, Jerry and I decided that we both feel less stress for the babies during the delivery is what we desire most. Plus, to keep my brain from going crazy, we decided to keep the c-section plan and appointment and make it official. Having a date on the calendar has helped me prepare my mind. I'm totally a "put it on the calendar" kind of girl and like having it on the family schedule :) I guess I'll never know which decision is the "right" decision, but I feel good about our current plan and hope all turns out well. My friends and family who have been in similar situations have given me all their good advice...they all survived, so I guess I will too :) The babies might be a little shocked as they enter the world abruptly, leaving their nice home of 9 months, but I hope it will be a happy birthday for our two little monkeys.
I have been thinking a lot about the family changes that will take place. In all honesty, this is a huge change for us--an exciting change, but a huge one! The other night we took Brooklyn to a movie and we wondered if it would be the last time we go out as a family of three. For a while we were convinced that we would always be a family of three. And, at one point, we were all happy with that. Now, as the birth of the twins is very much a reality, I think there will be days we miss our little family of three...as excited as we are to have these babies. But, we've been used to being able to go where and when we want. Nobody needs a diaper bag or a nap. We've made a pretty good threesome for many years. I think about the changes that Brooklyn is experiencing and will continue to experience. I want to make sure she feels loved, important, and unique as we expand our family. I let her pick out the clothes and blankets to bring the babies home from the hospital in. She's helped me pack the diaper bags and wash and fold the clothes. She likes to hug and pat my tummy. She's been a good sport and seems excited. I'm sure she feels a little bit sad too, as her relationships are about to change. I'm trying to keep her in the front of my mind to include her, love her, and help her adjust. Tomorrow will be our last day as a family of three. We're going to see a "Brooklyn movie," eat dinner where she wants to eat, and then spend the evening looking through her baby book and talking about the great day when she was born. She has some 'big sister' shirts and plans to have a movie night in the hospital with me. I think there will be lots of excitement and joy, but I anticipate some moments of emotion also. So, again, its a bag of mixed emotions as we anticipate the big changes to come in the next few days.
On the other hand, we've worked and waited for these sweet babies for a long time, and they are joining our family in less than two days! I still can't believe this is happening. So many friends and family are just as excited as we are about welcoming these little ones. They have hoped, cried, prayed, sacrificed, and waited along with us. We've experienced so many miracles along the way. We've had great moments of elatement and joy. To think that it's all happening now is overwhelming and emotional. I picture in my mind the moment I get to hold the babies we've dreamed of for more than seven years...it's amazing to dream about, and I know it will be amazing to experience. I hope I can absorb it all and enjoy every moment. We've had a lot of great moments as a family, and I think this will be one of the greatest...a family of five, with more and more love to share!
Countdown begins
35 Weeks:
The weeks are ticking by and I think we are in the final stretch until these babies are born! My body is certainly feeling ready to be free of the extra annoyances, but I'm also hoping to hang in there a little bit longer in order to give the babies a little more time. My personal goal was to make it to 36 weeks, and we are almost there. Anything past that, I feel, is a bonus. There was a time when the goal was to make it past 32 weeks, so I'm happy with how well everyone is behaving :)
I have a nice, round belly that is obviously ready to 'pop' and I love to hear what people have to say. In every elevator, or at the check out line, someone has to ask when my baby is due. When we go out as a family, I love to watch peoples' eyes leave my face and lock onto the beach ball I have under my shirt. I can imagine they are quite entertained, and I can almost hear their thoughts of wonder..."wow...when is she going to have that baby!?" The other night we went to a movie and Jerry said the security guard watched me waddle around in hopes I didn't go into labor while he was on duty. My favorite thing is when people ask me how I'm feeling. If you've seen the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting," then you'll appreciate the monologue the lady gives on stage with her borrowed clothes and ratty hair--telling the truth about pregnancy. She got it exactly right! Name a body part, and there's probably something wrong with it :) But, without disclosing all my woes to people who ask, I say I'm doing well and things are going great. It really is mostly true. I know people are interested in things and are sincere in their inquiries, but if I had a nickel for every question, I'd be rich. Jerry said I should start handing out treats to those who ask me a question I haven't been asked before. The other night Brooklyn said, "I'm tired of people asking me if I'm excited to be a sister and if I'm going to be a big helper!" I loved it... It comes with the territory I told her, and she liked Dad's idea of handing out treats. It's fun, though, and I do appreciate peoples' concern and excitement.
The babies are doing well. We had the biophysical profile with the ultrasound tech, Katie, and she found everything to be looking just fine. We chose to take Brooklyn with us to the ultrasound. She's always said she doesn't want to go because it's boring (or maybe she's just afraid of the unknown), but we dragged her with us anyway. I thought she should experience a trip to the doctor at least once before they're born. Something like this might not happen again. She's seen a few ultrasound pictures in the past and watched the video from a while go, but there's nothing like watching a heartbeat or movement in real time on the screen. We got a beautiful shot of their feet and a perfect footprint for the camera. I'm sure it wasn't exactly thrilling for Brooklyn, but I'm glad she got to have the experience. The blood flow in the cords was normal. We could also see them "practice" breathing and moving those muscles in preparation for birth. Those were two good signs. Katie measured the babies to be about the same size of 4lb 12oz each. Baby Boy has a little bit bigger head and smaller belly, and Baby Girl has a little bit smaller head and bigger belly. According to Katie, they average out to be about the same weight. It will be interesting to see how close to the same weight they really are at birth. They are currently in the same positions--boy all stretched out on my right side, head down, and girl curled up on the left with bum down. The amniotic fluid is starting to decrease and the placentas are beginning to age. This happened with Brooklyn about this same time and low fluid volume is why the doctor delivered her 10 days early. Dr Hartman doesn't seem too alarmed at this point, but continues to measure fluid levels every week. So far, there's "enough" as he says. Twice a week we are doing non-stress tests in the office. I still haven't figured out exactly why twice a week is necessary, but that's the doc's plan. The babies are becoming more and more reactive as they get older and that's good. It's still crazy and fun to hear their heartbeats, the hiccups, or when they move. It's very reassuring. The boy continues to be more active and has a faster heart rate most of the time. The girl is more quiet and has a little slower heart rate. It will be interesting to see if this matches their personalities in the future. Now the problem is choosing how I want to deliver. Basically, with the one breech baby, I can choose whether to attempt a normal delivery and hope the breech delivery goes well, or schedule a c-section. Neither way sounds super fun, but I think we're leaning towards a c-section. I'm sure it will be harder for mom and maybe I'll eat my words later, but I'm hoping it will be more predictable and less stressful for the babies. It's like choosing the lesser of two evils and gambling in Vegas, but we're most interested in keeping the babies as safe as possible. The new plan is to do a c-section at 37 weeks or an induction at 38 weeks...hmmmmm. Decisions, decisions.]
The baby's room is (hopefully) ready for these two little ones. They have cribs, plenty of blankets, boxes of diapers, clothes and pajamas, bottles and bottle warmers, bath supplies, bouncers, boppies, car seats, a pack n' play, and I think just about everything else a baby needs. I forgot how much stuff they require! We've been so humbled and grateful for the donations of clothes, supplies, and gifts from others. Again, we have the best family and friends ever! And, we've doubled up on many of the supplies knowing two will use lots of stuff. Diapers seem to be Jerry's purchase of choice, and we're stocking up and stuffing boxes under the bed. The little clothes are so cute and I can just picture little diapered bums in them. I'm sure there will be items we've forgotten or find we need more of, but I think we are ready to welcome them to the world soon and kiss and love and cuddle them. Just a few more weeks...aahhh! When I think about the reality of sleepless nights, feedings, and the changes to our pretty quiet life we will all experience, I'm a little scared. I really don't think reality has hit me yet. It's been so long and they are currently so self-contained that I'm not sure they are really mine and it's all actually true. It really is a surreal feeling. I wonder what it will be like when they hand them to me to hold for the first time. It seriously doesn't feel real. I'm anxious, nervous, and excited. However, we've waited a long time, so....let's do this!
Brooklyn has a few words....
I am so exited for these babies to come. I can't wait to see what they look like.If i could name them i would name them Amanda and Luke. We have lots of boy clothes and not as many girl clothes. I wish they could come sooner!
Week by Week...by Week.
Monday, April 16—27 weeks
Today was the first of my
now weekly visits with the doc. I have a feeling it might get a little
repetitive, but who doesn’t like the reassurance of an ultrasound each week to
check on things? I’m thinking I’ll really
like that part of it. Jerry had some previously scheduled work meetings today
so he was unable to go with me. I waited quite a while today in the room
waiting for Dr Hartman, and when he did come in he was in a hurry to get to a
c-section delivery. He did ultrasounds
and everything looked great. The babies are getting bigger, they are sharing
the fluid nicely, and the heartbeats are healthy. He seemed pleased. He took
some standard cultures then had the nurse draw some blood. Pretty much a
routine check…just grateful things are stable and happy!
Monday, April 23—28 weeks
I think I have a standing
appointment on Mondays at 11:00 now. J Mondays roll around pretty fast. During the past week I spent several hours on
the phone with the insurance company, hospital billing department, and the
doctor’s office trying to sort out bills from the two visits we made to the
hospital. I’m grateful to have insurance, but sometimes I get frustrated with
the whole process. It’s kind of like paying taxes to the government, in my
mind…I’m happy to pay what I need to, but don’t want to do anyone else any
favors. J
After paying so much cash to the University of Utah, I’m anxious to let
the insurance coverage take over! I also got a call from the office to start on
amoxicillin for a positive culture from the previous Monday. There’s always a
little surprise it seems. I had a day of
skills lab at work and we also had our ward youth conference this weekend.
Jerry and Brooklyn helped me a ton! It’s been a busy week! Lets just say it was
a little difficult to get all six hours of bed rest in each day…I may have
cheated a little. But today was another good visit. Jerry came with me,
obviously needing a break from work (he even left his phone in the truck!), and
we enjoyed being together. Dr Hartman
was in a particularly jovial mood. Sometimes I’m shocked at the stuff he says!
The ultrasounds were good. The babies are in a little bit different position
than I thought. Baby boy is still head down with feet up on the right, and baby
girl is now making a triangle. Her head is by his feet with her back and bum
going sideways and down the left side. They aren’t quite the “t” they
originally were positioned in, nor are they parallel up and down to each other.
They just look and feel squished to me! The heartbeats each looked healthy and
I was kind of surprised at how big these kids looked on the screen. Hopefully
that explains my almost 30lb weight gain! Don’t want to talk about that though!
My blood count was a little low, so in two weeks he’ll re-culture things to see
how the antibiotic worked and redraw my blood. Good thing I’m going every
week…seems like there’s plenty to do. But, babies are happy, my body is
cooperating for now, and I’m now officially the size of a beach ball…what more
could we ask for!?
Monday, April 30—29 weeks
Once again we found
ourselves at the doctor’s office this morning. I wonder if Dr Hartman is
getting sick of seeing us every Monday J Monday at 11:00 is our moment. Jerry’s been
so great to take time from his busy work days to be with me at the
appointments. Lately he’s been making more and more comments about how ‘real’
this is getting and the reality check that’s coming! I love having him with me.
Today was a pretty routine
appointment. I officially passed the 30lb mark today. It was a proud moment,
let me tell ya. My goal is to not pass up Jerry’s weight. J Dr Hartman again had on his bright red tennis
shoes. I think he owns nothing but red shoes. He plays tennis 6 days a week and
he says his red shoes make him fast. He’s quite a guy. Once again things were
looking good. My cervix is shrinking a little bit each time, but that is
expected now. Most importantly, the babies are looking healthy and are growing.
He did growth measurements again today and the babies are right on schedule. Baby boy measured 2lb13oz and baby girl
measured 3lbs 1oz. That is a switch from the past where usually the boy is
bigger than the girl. Measurements are usually a little off, so we estimate
they are both somewhere between 2 ½ and 3lbs. That may explain why I feel so
squished inside. Brooklyn was born at 6lb1oz at just 10 days early. I’m feeling
about the size I was when she was born.
But, these babies have a little more cooking time.
We discussed the delivery
timing and options today. That made it a little more real. We still have a
little ways to go, but the doc wanted to get us thinking. If both babies were
head down, he would most likely attempt a regular delivery. There would be a
small risk of delivering the first baby head first and then the second
‘falling’ sideways and having to be delivered breech. As long as there is not a
significant size difference, he feels confident in doing this. If both babies
were head up, there would be no option and a c-section would be necessary.
Well, of course, we have one in each position. That puts us in the middle. We could try a regular delivery for the first
and then see if the second will come breech or need a c-section in the end. Or,
we could just plan on a c-section. Neither option sounds fun to me. But, I also
don’t want to do half and half! Of course it’s a little early to make a
decision now because they may change positions still. So, we’ll see what
happens in the meantime. He did give us some estimated dates of delivery also.
If I can go to ‘full term’ time, he said he would start me no later than two
weeks ahead of the due date (July 14) for a regular delivery, and would deliver
three weeks ahead for a c-section. That would put their birthday in mid-late
June. Sometimes that sounds far away, and sometimes that sounds way too close!
It’s getting exciting to think how soon they’ll be here. We want a few more
weeks until they are ready, but after that…let the games begin!
Monday, May 7—30 weeks
It must be a Monday. Today
is one of those occasional days when I feel tired, emotional, and
frustrated. I think it stems from the
bed rest that I am truly getting sick of. I’ll admit, there are some days when
I have to stretch to get those six hours, but some days I just don’t want to do
it—or feel I don’t have time to do it. I know that’s the wrong attitude, and
it’s a minimal obligation for such a reward, but still, I’m pretty much done
with it. I like being useful and doing the things that I am ‘supposed’ to do,
even if it is those mundane tasks of laundry, cooking, or cleaning. That’s what
a mom does, and that’s what I want to do. (Of course, you don’t hear me saying
that about going to work, but you get the point). For instance, today I got up and got
Brooklyn ready for school, cleaned up breakfast, got myself ready for the day,
and then headed to the doctor…again. On a good day, getting to and from the
doctor is no less than a two hour event, so by the time I got home it was
12:30. I eat lunch, straighten a few
things, change one load of laundry (didn’t even fold anything) and made the
bed…basic items of life. There’s at
least a minimum standard of living that’s necessary for my conscience. By the
time I start to lay down it’s 45 min later and the countdown begins. But six hours from then is clear to almost
bed time. 2 ½ hrs after my down time begins, Brooklyn is home from school. I
feel so sorry for the girl. Every day she comes home from school and her mom is
laying on the couch. How fun is that for her? We can do some homework and a few
things while I am down, but I feel like such a loaf sometimes and think she
must be tired of it too. I can’t go out and play, watch her ride her bike, or
help her spray paint her ‘limousine’ for the drive in movie at school. Nope,
her mom is laying on the couch. Of course I know it’s necessary and, again,
such a small moment in time for the health of these babies, but I feel torn
inside. I want to take the best care of these babies that I can, but I also
want to care for the ones I love who are here.
And, of course, when Jerry walks in from work, I’m on the couch. It’s a
nice welcome home moment. They both understand the purpose and know it’s not
just because I’m trying to be lazy, but I feel like I’ve lost the wife/mom side
of me and am now just a couch sitter. I think I get a little cabin fever, too.
Staring at the same walls, doing the same stuff, making the same lists of
things I want to do—or need to have someone else do—all gets to my head a
little bit. Another thing I wish I could
do more of is take care of those ‘nesting’ instincts mothers have before their
babies are born. I’d love to feel like the baby room is totally and completely
ready for them to come home to. Little by little it’s coming along, but I’m
missing the days of dedicated baby organizing and decorating. Of course, I’m not sleeping very well at night
now and am starting to get somewhat uncomfortable, so I think sometimes all
these feelings are exaggerated by fatigue. Plus, I hear pregnant women are
hormonal and emotional anyway J Am I complaining…probably…ok, yes. Do I just feel like I need to vent…for sure.
I know this is really a very small second in time and there is such a great
reward to come. I have to realign my focus and priorities every once in a
while, and I guess today is one of those days to do so. And, Jerry and Brooklyn
are so good to help. They are patient when we have leftovers for the third day
in a row or when I give them a list of things I think they should do. They
deserve a lot more thanks and praise than what I give them. This is really
testing all of us and helping us to appreciate, learn, serve, cooperate, and
love more. I try to think of those who have an illness or disease, who are
hoping to get better just so they can live and be with their family, or who
face an unknown future of health. I feel guilty for being so selfish in my
thoughts. How blessed I am to say that my complaints are such minimal
inconveniences. My future holds two sweet,
little babies to love who will fill our lives with so much joy. I guess this is one of those unforeseen
lessons I need to learn in this process. I need to remember my blessings,
forget my complaints, and focus on all the great opportunities and people that
allow me such a privileged and wonderful life.
I truly am blessed.
As a matter of business,
things at the doctor went well today. Babies still look good and healthy. He
did not measure them for growth this time. He redid some of the cultures from a
few weeks ago and drew another blood count.
He said, “Next week you get to have a 31 week party.” I asked what that meant. His philosophy is
that after 31 weeks the chances of problems before and at delivery are the same
as at full term. So, I think that’s a good thing. Of course the best thing is
to let them grow as long as possible, but it’s a good milestone. I think after
32 weeks I’ll feel even better about their outcome. Every week counts. Guess
that means I should stick to my bed rest and stop complaining J
Monday, May 14—31 weeks
Once again, a Monday
morning visit with Dr Hartman. We had a good visit and things are progressing
well. We cheered for reaching the 31 week mark. He feels that after 31 weeks,
the survival and successful birth outcomes are equal to those of a full term
baby. So, I think that’s good news, and I feel a little less worried about
delivering early. Hartman also seemed happy with the progression and health of
the babies. Jerry asked his estimation of how long until delivery and Hartman
says he’d expect I could go as far as 37 weeks. That’s 6 more weeks! Not ready
for babies yet, but getting ready to not be pregnant J Anyway, he
seemed very happy with the ways things are going. Again the ultrasounds were
reassuring and babies looked good. Next week he is planning to do measurements
again and do a non-stress test (NST) in the office. The NST is simple and includes
putting both babies on the monitor to watch for heart rates and their
reactivity. That will be a fun part of the day next week. He continues to want
the bed rest, but there is now a different goal in mind. He says now the goal
is to create fatter babies. Although we still want to postpone delivery as long
as possible, bigger babies usually do better. So, I’m now an incubator trying
to fatten them up into healthy babies for when they are born. I’m hoping that by next week they’ll be
around 4lbs each. They are still in the same position as before—one with his
head way low, and the other with her head high and to the right. Needless to
say, the upper right corner of my belly is being punished on a daily basis with
all the feet and head activity in one spot. I still love to feel them move.
There are a few more odds and ends to purchase before they come, but I think we
are almost ready for them. Well, at least we’re almost ready with the
‘stuff’…not sure if we’ll ever be ready mentally! We’ve had several people give
us gifts to help us get prepared— so many generous friends and family. After getting rid of literally everything
baby we ever owned, its been quite eye-opening to remember all the things
babies need…wow! What’s cuter than baby
stuff, though? A few more weeks of cooking time and I think we’ll all be ready!
Bed rest wears me out…
My last post was a little more than two weeks ago before the first fetal fibronectin test. And, we had a busy 24 hours right after that…
The last Monday in March was my 24 week visit with Dr Hartman. He did the fFN and some ultrasounds and things went smoothly. The babies looked healthy, the fluids were equal, and there were no signs of concern. We discussed the number of contractions I had been having since there seemed to be more over the past week or so. He said to continue with the six hours laying down and then taking it easy the rest of the day, and call him if there are more than 12 contractions in a day. We made an appointment to see him in two weeks, he gave me the yummy orange glucose drink to check my blood sugar tolerance at the next appointment, and we were out the door in less than 30 minutes.
The surprise came late that night after I had put Brooklyn to bed and Jerry and I were watching the news in the back room. I randomly saw the little red flashing light on the phone charger indicating there was a message. So, at about 10:30 we got up to go to bed, and I casually picked up the phone to listen to the message. It was from a cell phone number I didn’t recognize. Then I found myself listening to Dr Hartman’s voice. He says, “Katy, it’s Hartman. Your test has come back positive. It’s concerning enough to me that I think you should go to labor and delivery at the hospital and get the steroid shots to develop the babies’ lungs and have them monitor you for a while. Preferably you should do this tonight. If you can’t tonight, then first thing in the morning.” He went on to explain his reasoning, the 20% chance of delivery vs. his reassurance that my cervix is perfect with no other signs of ensuing labor, and the importance of having the steroids “on board” as soon as possible if the test was correct in predicting an early delivery. Oh my….at that moment I thought my biggest nightmare was coming true. I immediately felt that adrenaline surge begin to rush through my body and felt shaky, nervous, sick to my stomach, worried, and of course, emotional. My first thought was ‘these babies are not ready to be born. They are barely past the viable age for survival outside the womb. And, there is no way we are ready to deal with such sick and tiny babies in the NICU.’ My next thoughts turned to Brooklyn. She was asleep all cozy in her bed. We couldn’t leave her in the middle of the night. She would freak out if she woke up and someone else was here while mom and dad were at the hospital. So many thoughts were running through my head. Then I said to Jerry, “I have to call my mom.” I was a little panicky, but Jerry in his usual calm and collect manner helped me think through things and make a plan.
We decided to go in that night. Dr Hartman doesn’t get too excited about too many things. So, when he said it was concerning to him, I thought it was probably best we go in soon. But, it was pretty late. I really didn’t want to call and wake anyone up to come stay with Brooklyn, but that was the only logical choice. My mom had offered to come up, but that’s an hour drive. We called Jerry’s mom and she was happy to come help. I know we woke her from a solemn slumber, but she acted like it was no problem at all to come to our rescue. I’m sure it took her a day or two to recover from a wild night at our house, but we were so grateful she was close and able to be with Brooklyn. We didn’t know how long we would be gone. It was reassuring to know that Brooklyn was in good hands with someone who loved her. I changed back into some clothes, brushed my teeth, grabbed my contacts and phone charger, and went into Brooklyn’s room to kiss her good bye. I was way sad to leave her not knowing what the next few hours would entail. Was I going to get to come home? Would I be checking into the hospital for the next few months? I was scared and nervous not just for me and the babies, but also for her and the questions she may have if things changed drastically overnight, all while she was asleep. But, Grandma was there and so we left.
Our insurance coverage is at Ogden Regional Hospital. It would be nice to deliver at McKay-Dee where I work and know the policies, procedures, and people, but not this time. It was unusual to drive to a different place. I had done my labor and delivery clinical rotations at Ogden Regional 10 years ago, but hadn’t been back since. It felt weird. On our way into the elevator a lady with some McDonald’s food in her hand said, “Are you going to have a baby tonight!?” My belly may look like I’m ready to deliver, but I said back, “Hopefully not tonight. These babies are not ready to be born yet!” By now it was almost 11:30 in the night. We checked in and pleaded our case to the clerk and then to the nurse, and waited for them to take us back to a room. Admitting came up to take all our information… so they can bill us of course…and a CNA took me to a room. I had to change into a hospital gown and everything, which proved to be a little much in my opinion for what ended up happening, but I was obedient. They asked me a bunch of questions and put me on the monitors. However, they had a really hard time getting the babies to stay on the monitors. They brought in the ultrasound machine and located each of the heartbeats, but still had a hard time keeping them on the other machine consistently. They were also monitoring me for contractions. They brought Jerry into the room, and after several minutes of frustration, the nurse gave up and said she was going to go call the doctor for orders. I felt bad. I know how frustrating it is to be given a new patient in the middle of the night when you have a million other things to do. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it’s not easy being the patient. By now it was at least midnight and everyone was tired. Jerry tried to get me to close my eyes and go to sleep…ya right J The nurse came back in and Dr Hartman said it was ok to not monitor the babies tonight but keep me on the monitor for an hour and give the first betamethasone (steroid) shot now and a second one in 12 hours. Yay, more shots in the bum! I thought by now I was pretty good at tolerating shots, but man did that one hurt! I swear she hit a nerve or something ‘cause my leg jumped, the muscles cramped up, and it bruised and burned. I forgave the poor girl ‘cause I know I’ve hurt a few patients in my career, but that was not nice! After the shot, it was basically time to wait for an hour and monitor for contractions. Well, just like when you take your deathly ill child to the doctor and they have a miraculous recovery in the waiting room and look and act totally normal when the doc comes in to see you…ya, you know how that works…well I didn’t have any contractions. Of course, I was lying in the bed doing nothing, too. Dr Hartman said that with minimal contracting I could either choose to stay for the 12 hours until the next shot or go home and come back for the other one and be monitored again. Easily decided, we left the hospital about 1:30am and were to return again at noon. I crawled into bed with mixed feelings and emotions. It seemed like a lot of trouble, stress, and worry in the middle of the night for a few hours of nothing, really. I was slightly frustrated with the situation, but mostly grateful that things seemed to be ok. We had done what we could with the information we had. Dr Hartman was going to call in the morning and we would move on from there.
I was happy to be home when Brooklyn woke up. We told her some of what had happened while she was sleeping and as I predicted, she was very surprised. Even for her it was a little of a reality check. I took her to school, got ready for the day, and headed back to the hospital. I am appreciating more and more the fact that Brooklyn is older and in school. So much of this whole experience has included doctor visits and things that are during the day while she is in school. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have a toddler or baby at home and constantly be needing a babysitter. I really think it’s an unexpected blessing that has made all this possible and somewhat less stressful.
Jerry met me at the hospital. Again, we checked in and waited. While waiting we contemplated the cost of such admissions. I assumed it would be an outpatient fee since it’s (hopefully) such a short time frame, but you never know what insurance companies are willing to cover. Again the CNA took me to a room and had Jerry wait. While they were getting me hooked up to the monitors and such, Dr Hartman called my cell phone which was in my purse with Jerry. He gave Jerry all the new instructions: absolutely no less than six hours of bed rest and light activity otherwise, continue to monitor contractions at home, plan for possibly starting to see him on a weekly basis, and the next two weeks are a critical time to stay down and calm. As he said the night before, I needed the second betamethasone shot, and if there are minimal contractions after at least an hour of monitoring and the babies look good, then I can go home. This time the nurse was the charge nurse for the day, and I was impressed with her. The shot was much better this time, and she got the babies on the monitor first try. This time, with both the babies on the monitor along with the toco (to monitor contractions) she was able to do what’s called a non-stress test. This basically monitors the babies’ heart rates and responses to contractions, movement, and ‘stress.’ Of course I again didn’t have hardly any contractions, but the nurse was very impressed with the babies’ heart rates. She said they were responding very appropriately, even more maturely than their actual age, and looked picture perfect. I think she was probably trying to reassure us, but nevertheless it was good news. After about two hours and a Subway sandwich, we were able to go home.
Again, I had mixed feelings. It seemed like a lot of trouble. But, there is also no extent to which you’ll go for the health and safety of your children and loved ones. I trusted that the doctor was using his best judgment and experience to make the best decisions, too. He made it clear that although the test is not fool-proof, it is an indicator of delivery, and we aren’t ready for that. I honestly think he was surprised that it came back positive—as was I—and it made him nervous. He doesn’t want these babies to come any sooner than we do, so together we are doing what we can to be prepared and prevent an early delivery. So, I see it as a lesson in making the best decisions you can with the information you have. Not always can we predict the future, and not always are we right. But, we must be proactive for those ‘just in case’ moments when we don’t have room for regrets. Obviously I haven’t had the babies yet, and we made it through those two weeks. I’ve never been so worn out from so much lying around! It’s amazing how tired you get after doing nothing all day J But, as Jerry keeps reminding me, the little things we do now, and the more obedient we are to the doctor’s orders, may very well be the deciding factors in when these babies are born. It’s a small moment in time to make sacrifices. But, we cannot afford to cut corners now for our own convenience at the expense of a premature delivery for the babies we’ve waited so long for.
That being said, bed rest is the new norm at our house. Even Brooklyn is asking how many hours I’ve been down and tells me when it’s time to go back to the couch. I’m pretty sure the couch is getting a well-worn spot, too. It’s surprising how much planning and effort it takes to make sure I get in all six hours. Regular life things take up a surprising amount of time! Last week my mom came up to rescue me. She brought dinner, made more dinners and treats, did an amazing amount of house cleaning—including toilets and windows, did laundry, gave Brooklyn a piano lesson, taught us how to crochet, and even made time for some fun...all while I was lying on the couch. She was amazing. My natural personality is to feel guilty, and I did, but I’m definitely learning how to let things go and allow others to do what I normally do. (At least a little bit.) Again, I am so humbled and grateful for all the love and help.
Yesterday we saw Dr Hartman for the two week appointment after our little ‘scare.’ It was the 26 week mark. I passed the glucose tolerance test. We discussed the positive fFN test, the hospital events and shots, and a plan for the next few weeks. Although the first test was positive, subsequent tests may be negative. Again he gave us the options of repeating the fFN test every two weeks or having an ultrasound every week. The fFN may be more reassuring and definitive, but may also cause more stress and worry. In Hartman’s own words, “If you are afraid of failing a test, then don’t take the test.” I asked if our treatment and future plans will change depending on what we choose, and he said ‘no.’ So, although a weekly visit to the doc is a pain, we decided to do the ultrasounds instead of the fFN. We can always do the test if warranted, but either way our plan of care doesn’t change and we’ll continue with what we’ve been doing. I’ve noticed my contractions are way less when I am down. So, I am seeing the purpose of the rest. All the ultrasounds that day were good. He measured both babies; their heads, legs, abdomens, and the fluids. They are both measuring right on time and about two pounds each. They’ve moved a little bit. The boy (baby A) is head down on my right side, and the girl (baby B) is breech with bum down more on my left side. So, basically they’re kicking each other in the head. Typical brother and sister J Hartman is pleased so far with the way things look. He said we really couldn’t ask for better progress.
I think the boy is consistently more active than the girl, but it may be just the way they are positioned. Sometimes they get really crazy. I still love to feel them move. Brooklyn likes to feel them too. The other night I was laying by her at bedtime and someone was really going crazy. I put her hand on my belly and she got to feel someone playing a little ‘punching bag.’ She thought that was pretty cool. She always comes up to pat my belly or talk to them and say hi. Yesterday after I told her whose head was where, she gave them each a kiss. Its fun to see her become more and more excited. She is also such a big helper. She’s doing so much without complaining. Jerry is also taking on new roles. He’s a master grocery shopper now, and keeps telling me to make him a list of things I need him to do. He’s so supportive. It’s taking a whole family to get these babies safely here. And, actually time is going faster and faster as I think how soon the summer will be here!
One Boy, One Girl…. Two hearts beating wildly…
To put it mildly, it was love at first sight!
That’s my little tribute to Collin Raye’s song and how we feel about our little ones!
I have a lot to catch up on…
On February 8th Jerry and I saw the ultrasound tech in Dr Hartman’s office. I was about 17 ½ weeks along. The tech was a darling lady about my mom’s age named Katie, and we had a great time with her learning more about our babies. She spent about an hour with us looking over each baby and the other important stuff keeping them safe and happy. It was a fun day.
Katie first did a quick scan to check heartbeats and get an idea of where each baby was situated. And then, she looked to see what flavors of babies we were having. And, it turns out it’s a delicious chocolate and vanilla twist…a boy and a girl! I personally think it’s a perfect combination. Too many girls might throw Jerry into a whirl, and two rowdy boys at the same time might take me to the funny farm. I’m excited about the mix and think it will be the perfect fit for our family. I hope the two of them will have a great, supportive relationship without too much competition. The tech had a fun time watching the babies interact with each other. The boy would be spreading out his arms or legs, and the girl would be pushing him back over with her feet to where he belonged. Katie got a shot of them with their faces together, looking at each other. She kept talking about how great they interact and respond to one another. It was fun to watch them move and play around.
Of course the business of the ultrasound was to check the health of the pregnancy and babies. It was officially time to label and locate each baby. I had always wondered how they keep track of who’s who, and I learned something new. The baby who is closest to the mom’s cervix is “Baby A” and the other is “Baby B.” In our case, the boy is the lower baby and is “Baby A.” The girl is located very high and is “Baby B.” In fact, the two were laying perpendicular to each other like a “T.” The boy was laying up and down, low in the belly, and the girl was laying high, across the top going from side to side. They will obviously move around some and manipulate themselves over time, but based on the way things attach inside, they will remain more or less in those positions. Katie checked to be sure there was good separation between the two babies, each within their own amniotic sac with separated placentas. She looked to be sure each umbilical cord attached at a safe point in the placenta and that fluids were measuring and moving well. Everything surrounding the babies seemed to be perfect. She then went over each baby and their organs and functions. Each heart had four chambers and all the valves…pumping away in perfect rhythm. Their spinal cords and brains looked complete. They had all their internal organs and those appeared to be functioning properly. And, they both had 10 fingers and 10 toes. The tech kept saying how ‘beautiful’ they were and how reassuring things looked. We finished the ultrasound and went home with a few pictures and a CD copy of the fun day.
We were truly amazed at the miniature bodies that seemed to be perfect already. It’s a testament to me that we are divinely created. How could these little bodies, with all the functions and capabilities they will need to sustain life, be anything other than divine? Every time I get to see through that little window and watch them, I’m amazed at the miracle of life and birth. Absolutely amazing.
Our families and friends had been guessing the genders for weeks. Brooklyn and I thought it was a boy and girl. Jerry thought it was two girls. And, everyone had their own ideas and thoughts about what combination the babies might be. It was fun to hear everyone’s guess. Both Jerry and I agreed that it would be extremely surprising, based upon reproductive statistics, if we had two boys and anticipated at least one girl. A few days after we knew the official genders, we had Jerry’s family over for some ice cream and let Grandma and Grandpa open a box with two shoes—one girl shoe and one boy shoe. They had to keep a secret, though, because we were waiting a week to tell my family until my sister’s wedding reception when all my family was together. At Abby and Jace’s reception, we let Grandma Poore open the box. It was her birthday that day, so we thought it was a great gift for her to open. My family had been anxiously awaiting the news, and it was a fun way to end a great night. The cat was out of the bag now! I think it’s been fun for us and others to identify with the babies now as individuals…now for deciding on names!
About 3 ½ weeks later we went again to see Dr Hartman for my 22 week visit. This was on March 5th. Again, he walked into the room in his green scrubs and red tennis shoes. He makes me laugh. It was a quick visit. I think he was trying to catch up after having been out delivering a baby. He quickly checked the babies with the ultrasound and then went into business mode. It was a quick look at the babies and I didn’t even get a picture to take home L He checked the fluids, made some notes, and then started talking about bed rest. Shoot…I was hoping he’d forget! He wanted me to start on the 6 hrs of bed rest a day at the 22 week mark which was that Saturday, March 10th. His philosophy for bed rest makes sense, but I’m learning that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. His main reason for bed rest is to decrease activity and pressure in order to keep the cervix competent and uterus calm so as to prevent preterm labor signs as best we can. He’d rather try early prevention than try to stop it after it starts. After signs of preterm labor start, they don’t really reverse themselves. You can try to postpone or slow the progress, but they can’t be reversed. So, I agree with his thinking for the most part. I also think that the body will probably do what it wants when it wants, so is bed rest necessary yet? I’m trying not to argue and just be obedient. And, between Jerry and my mom, there’s enough people making sure I do my job. J (Love you both!) The other thing Dr Hartman wants to do is start seeing me more frequently. This is to check the cervix and other signs of labor. We have the choice of coming in each week for an ultrasound check or every two weeks for a Fetal Fibronectin Test (fFN). The ultrasound would check the cervix and uterus, but is more frequent and less conclusive. The fFN is a lab test used to detect the possibility of preterm labor. The fFN test is more expensive, less frequent, but also more conclusive. If the test comes back negative, then the chances of you delivering in the next 2 weeks is <3%. This is more reassuring for the doctor and may help him better plan and manage the pregnancy. Either way, we will be seeing the doc more frequently, for sure. But, so far things look really good with no current indication of preterm labor or problems. Let’s hope it stays that way!
So far I have been feeling pretty good. I’m getting a big enough belly now that it’s not a ‘bump’ anymore, but rather a gigantic bulge. No questions about it now! (Although every week at church at least one person says, “I didn’t know you were expecting!” Well, yes…it’s true.) I’ve started with the usual pregnancy aches and pains. The sciatic nerve is my new best friend. I visit the potty more than I ever thought was possible in a 24 hour period. And, watching me get up or roll over is quite entertaining to watch, I’m sure. But, all that stuff is a minor trade off for the reassurance of growing babies. I LOVE to feel them kicking and moving around. When they are too still and quiet I get a little nervous. But, in time I start to feel the circus again, and am happy to feel my little ones ‘talk’ to me. Jerry’s even felt some kicks. Sometimes I’m amazed at how strong they must be to make such moves. At times I’m impressed with the action! I like to think I can tell who’s moving based upon where the movement comes from. Either way, it’s my favorite part of pregnancy. Love to feel their happy moves.
The past two weeks of bed rest have been more of a challenge than I thought they’d be. Everyone thinks they’d like the excuse to lie around for 6 hours a day, but it gets quite old really fast. When you are pregnant, laying down isn’t the most comfortable thing, either. Pretty soon your back, hips, and legs start to hurt. Your brain goes crazy thinking about all the things you ‘should’ be doing. And…pretty much boredom is inevitable. But, I’m not complaining! The six hours has been a little hard to get in each day. Some days I’m more obedient than others. It’s a blessing to have Brooklyn in school. I can be down while she is at school, and pretty much nobody knows the difference. I can’t imagine having to be down with little kids at home during the day. That would be tough. Dinner is less exciting than it used to be, and the laundry gets done a day or two later, but all in all it’s not been too bad.
I’m grateful for Jerry and all his help. I’ve worked a whole lot less than we are used to, so he’s carrying all the financial responsibilities and more of the house duties, too. He spoiles me, for sure. But, as the farmer neighbor said the other day, “That’s an expensive crop to have go bad.” Yes, farmer Layne, we are wanting to protect our crop J! Brooklyn has been a great helper too. She’s great at getting me things I need and even tells me when I need to lay down. She’s been a pretty happy girl for having such changes come about in her world. They are getting used to doing things that I need and pampering their mommy more. They are helping to make a great team. I couldn’t do it without them! I also have so many people offering to help with anything if I need it. I’m grateful to say that things are going well for now, but love knowing that my great family and friends are there for us! I really have been blessed so far and don’t have much to complain or worry about. It’s been such a great time in our lives!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)