One Boy, One Girl…. Two hearts beating wildly…

To put it mildly, it was love at first sight!

That’s my little tribute to Collin Raye’s song and how we feel about our little ones!

I have a lot to catch up on…

On February 8^th Jerry and I saw the ultrasound tech in Dr Hartman’s office. I was about 17 ½ weeks along.  The tech was a darling lady about my mom’s age named Katie, and we had a great time with her learning more about our babies. She spent about an hour with us looking over each baby and the other important stuff keeping them safe and happy. It was a fun day.

Katie first did a quick scan to check heartbeats and get an idea of where each baby was situated. And then, she looked to see what flavors of babies we were having. And, it turns out it’s a delicious chocolate and vanilla twist…a boy and a girl!  I personally think it’s a perfect combination. Too many girls might throw Jerry into a whirl, and two rowdy boys at the same time might take me to the funny farm. I’m excited about the mix and think it will be the perfect fit for our family. I hope the two of them will have a great, supportive relationship without too much competition. The tech had a fun time watching the babies interact with each other. The boy would be spreading out his arms or legs, and the girl would be pushing him back over with her feet to where he belonged.  Katie got a shot of them with their faces together, looking at each other. She kept talking about how great they interact and respond to one another. It was fun to watch them move and play around.

Of course the business of the ultrasound was to check the health of the pregnancy and babies.  It was officially time to label and locate each baby. I had always wondered how they keep track of who’s who, and I learned something new. The baby who is closest to the mom’s cervix is “Baby A” and the other is “Baby B.”  In our case, the boy is the lower baby and is “Baby A.”  The girl is located very high and is “Baby B.”  In fact, the two were laying perpendicular to each other like a “T.”  The boy was laying up and down, low in the belly, and the girl was laying high, across the top going from side to side. They will obviously move around some and manipulate themselves over time, but based on the way things attach inside, they will remain more or less in those positions. Katie checked to be sure there was good separation between the two babies, each within their own amniotic sac with separated placentas. She looked to be sure each umbilical cord attached at a safe point in the placenta and that fluids were measuring and moving well. Everything surrounding the babies seemed to be perfect. She then went over each baby and their organs and functions. Each heart had four chambers and all the valves…pumping away in perfect rhythm. Their spinal cords and brains looked complete. They had all their internal organs and those appeared to be functioning properly. And, they both had 10 fingers and 10 toes. The tech kept saying how ‘beautiful’ they were and how reassuring things looked. We finished the ultrasound and went home with a few pictures and a CD copy of the fun day.

We were truly amazed at the miniature bodies that seemed to be perfect already.  It’s a testament to me that we are divinely created. How could these little bodies, with all the functions and capabilities they will need to sustain life, be anything other than divine? Every time I get to see through that little window and watch them, I’m amazed at the miracle of life and birth. Absolutely amazing.

Our families and friends had been guessing the genders for weeks. Brooklyn and I thought it was a boy and girl. Jerry thought it was two girls. And, everyone had their own ideas and thoughts about what combination the babies might be. It was fun to hear everyone’s guess.  Both Jerry and I agreed that it would be extremely surprising, based upon reproductive statistics, if we had two boys and anticipated at least one girl. A few days after we knew the official genders, we had Jerry’s family over for some ice cream and let Grandma and Grandpa open a box with two shoes—one girl shoe and one boy shoe.  They had to keep a secret, though, because we were waiting a week to tell my family until my sister’s wedding reception when all my family was together. At Abby and Jace’s reception, we let Grandma Poore open the box. It was her birthday that day, so we thought it was a great gift for her to open. My family had been anxiously awaiting the news, and it was a fun way to end a great night. The cat was out of the bag now! I think it’s been fun for us and others to identify with the babies now as individuals…now for deciding on names!

About 3 ½ weeks later we went again to see Dr Hartman for my 22 week visit. This was on March 5^th.  Again, he walked into the room in his green scrubs and red tennis shoes. He makes me laugh. It was a quick visit. I think he was trying to catch up after having been out delivering a baby. He quickly checked the babies with the ultrasound and then went into business mode. It was a quick look at the babies and I didn’t even get a picture to take home L  He checked the fluids, made some notes, and then started talking about bed rest. Shoot…I was hoping he’d forget!  He wanted me to start on the 6 hrs of bed rest a day at the 22 week mark which was that Saturday, March 10^th.  His philosophy for bed rest makes sense, but I’m learning that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. His main reason for bed rest is to decrease activity and pressure in order to keep the cervix competent and uterus calm so as to prevent preterm labor signs as best we can. He’d rather try early prevention than try to stop it after it starts. After signs of preterm labor start, they don’t really reverse themselves. You can try to postpone or slow the progress, but they can’t be reversed. So, I agree with his thinking for the most part. I also think that the body will probably do what it wants when it wants, so is bed rest necessary yet? I’m trying not to argue and just be obedient. And, between Jerry and my mom, there’s enough people making sure I do my job. J (Love you both!) The other thing Dr Hartman wants to do is start seeing me more frequently. This is to check the cervix and other signs of labor. We have the choice of coming in each week for an ultrasound check or every two weeks for a Fetal Fibronectin Test (fFN). The ultrasound would check the cervix and uterus, but is more frequent and less conclusive. The fFN is a lab test used to detect the possibility of preterm labor. The fFN test is more expensive, less frequent, but also more conclusive. If the test comes back negative, then the chances of you delivering in the next 2 weeks is <3%. This is more reassuring for the doctor and may help him better plan and manage the pregnancy.  Either way, we will be seeing the doc more frequently, for sure. But, so far things look really good with no current indication of preterm labor or problems. Let’s hope it stays that way!

So far I have been feeling pretty good. I’m getting a big enough belly now that it’s not a ‘bump’ anymore, but rather a gigantic bulge. No questions about it now! (Although every week at church at least one person says, “I didn’t know you were expecting!”  Well, yes…it’s true.)  I’ve started with the usual pregnancy aches and pains. The sciatic nerve is my new best friend. I visit the potty more than I ever thought was possible in a 24 hour period. And, watching me get up or roll over is quite entertaining to watch, I’m sure.  But, all that stuff is a minor trade off for the reassurance of growing babies. I LOVE to feel them kicking and moving around. When they are too still and quiet I get a little nervous. But, in time I start to feel the circus again, and am happy to feel my little ones ‘talk’ to me. Jerry’s even felt some kicks. Sometimes I’m amazed at how strong they must be to make such moves. At times I’m impressed with the action!  I like to think I can tell who’s moving based upon where the movement comes from. Either way, it’s my favorite part of pregnancy.  Love to feel their happy moves.

The past two weeks of bed rest have been more of a challenge than I thought they’d be. Everyone thinks they’d like the excuse to lie around for 6 hours a day, but it gets quite old really fast. When you are pregnant, laying down isn’t the most comfortable thing, either. Pretty soon your back, hips, and legs start to hurt. Your brain goes crazy thinking about all the things you ‘should’ be doing. And…pretty much boredom is inevitable. But, I’m not complaining! The six hours has been a little hard to get in each day. Some days I’m more obedient than others. It’s a blessing to have Brooklyn in school. I can be down while she is at school, and pretty much nobody knows the difference. I can’t imagine having to be down with little kids at home during the day. That would be tough. Dinner is less exciting than it used to be, and the laundry gets done a day or two later, but all in all it’s not been too bad.

I’m grateful for Jerry and all his help. I’ve worked a whole lot less than we are used to, so he’s carrying all the financial responsibilities and more of the house duties, too. He spoiles me, for sure. But, as the farmer neighbor said the other day, “That’s an expensive crop to have go bad.”  Yes, farmer Layne, we are wanting to protect our crop J!  Brooklyn has been a great helper too.  She’s great at getting me things I need and even tells me when I need to lay down. She’s been a pretty happy girl for having such changes come about in her world. They are getting used to doing things that I need and pampering their mommy more. They are helping to make a great team. I couldn’t do it without them!  I also have so many people offering to help with anything if I need it. I’m grateful to say that things are going well for now, but love knowing that my great family and friends are there for us! I really have been blessed so far and don’t have much to complain or worry about. It’s been such a great time in our lives!!

Baby(ies) Bump Begins!

Editor's Note: Should have been posted January 20th. Info was misplaced and not posted. Ooops.

I thought a quick update after seeing the doctor last week would be appropriate…

 I am currently 16, going on 17 weeks along.  There is now an obvious little ‘baby bump’ going on, and I’ve given in to those comfy maternity pants. Yep…the ones with the big, wide elastic band than fits over the tummy…the ones Jerry loves! I decided I’m definitely old enough to opt for comfort rather than style. Getting used to the change in belly size is still a little unusual for me. I’ve been able to at least ‘suck it in’ for the past long while, and now I can’t! I’m kind of enjoying the excuse that I don’t have to, though J  Trying to find something to wear to church is a little distressing, I’ve found. But, all the clothes drama is a problem I can’t complain about too much with such a great reward to look forward to.

A little over a week ago we saw Dr Hartman again. Jerry and my mom were able to be there. That was fun to have them both with me. It was pretty much just a regular check up. We were hoping that he’d be able to tell the gender of the babies, but I wasn’t holding my breath for anything. I mostly get anxious just to see the heartbeats and know that all is well. As far as the doctor was concerned, all was well that day. He’s never been too particular about how big they are or which is which yet. He looks mostly at their movement and responses as he moves the ultrasound around. He tried really hard to see if he could determine what combination of boys/girls we had, but wasn’t exactly sure. He thought he had a good look at the one and was pretty positive, but wouldn’t say either way about the other. So, I’m not saying a thing until we know both for sure! We aren’t hoping for a specific one or the other, just two healthy babies.

Dr Hartman did want me to schedule an appointment with the ultrasound tech in the next three weeks, and then go back to see him three weeks after that. I see the tech the 8^th of February. That will be the big ultrasound to check the development of the babies, the health of the pregnancy, and of course the genders. After I see Dr Hartman later, then I will be seeing him about every two weeks. He seems to be very cautious and concerned about preventing preterm labor. He plans that I won’t go to my official due date in July, but does want to take every precaution to keep them from coming too soon. Of course this is good and I want to do anything to ensure healthy babies, too. His statements revolved around March-May being the most critical time to have preterm labor or delivery because the babies are unable to survive or will most likely have a poor outcome. Naturally, we all think that the end of the pregnancy is the most critical, and there are definitely reasons to go as long as possible. But, his main focus is reaching a point where the babies would have the ability to survive and have the greatest outcome, He is still pretty adamant about being down six hours during the day starting in March and not working too much. That will all be interesting. But, his philosophy makes sense, and I trust that he has enough experience to know.

For now, I’m trying to not think about how that will all work out. Things are going well and for that I am grateful. We were able to visit my brother Nick and his family in Texas last week. They have twin baby girls, and wow, were my eyes opened to the lifestyle change we will have! I was in shock and amazement at how much happens in their life each day with twins and two other young ones. I’m now mentally preparing for that J  I also realized that I will be so grateful to have Brooklyn at her age who will be such a great helper.  Their twins were so precious and sweet, though, and I am now even more excited to hold and love my own little ones.  I still can’t believe the crazy truth that this is happening. Each day gets more exciting. 

January Twins Update

I have no good excuses for being so late on updating the blog! The holidays always seem to take over when they roll around, and the new year usually starts off with plenty on the list. But, never the less, it’s time to catch up with all that’s been happening.

         The holidays this year were, for us, probably some of the best we will ever remember. Just before Thanksgiving we learned that we were expecting twins. My brother and his wife had also just had their twins, who were two tiny miracles still in the NICU, but doing well.  My sister had just become engaged to be married, and so many great things were happening. At Thanksgiving, we truly were grateful in deeper ways than we had ever remembered. Not only had so many prayers been answered, but our whole family was being abundantly blessed with more than we had ever expected.  The turkey dinners and mashed potatoes held a new meaning this year as we reflected on the blessings in our lives.  I dare say that it was more humbling to count our many blessings than ever before.

         Christmas was an extension of those great feelings of gratitude.  I know pregnancy brings out a lot of unusual emotions, but I couldn’t help but think of Mary and her sweet baby.  Of course, she knew who He would be and the great responsibility and blessing it was to be a mother weighed heavy on her heart. And, although I am far from worthy of comparison to Mary, I kept thinking of the plan and purpose that Heavenly Father has for these little babies of ours. I couldn’t help but wonder why it was such a process to even get this far and why did we have to wait so long? With statistics against us, why did they both progress and why were they coming as twins? What were they going to accomplish in this life? Maybe some of this is just logistics, but the Christmas season brought so much reflection of miracles, the Father’s plan for us as individuals, and the importance of righteous families bringing children into the world.  I felt a new responsibility to make sure that I was the mother I needed to be to these babies and Brooklyn, now and in the future.  Of course, the emotions of the season are always strong, but this year they were almost overwhelming at times. Even Jerry caught the emotion-bug and we both had several times when it was too difficult to hold back the tears. We were so full of such gratitude for the whole experience, the blessings received from others, the success of the process, the health of mom and babies, and the promises and challenges that lie ahead in the future.  As a family we tried really hard to focus on thinking of and serving others because we had felt so blessed. We really wanted Brooklyn to feel and understand that the miracles in our family were only possible with the generous blessings, love, and prayers of so many others. So, we did things like the 12 days of Christmas to a family near us who are struggling, and tried to help her focus on opportunities for service and gratitude during the season.  Many of the gifts we gave or received were a reflection of the miracles and blessings we had experienced. It was an emotional Christmas season, but a wonderful way to celebrate the birth of our Savior, the plan of our Heavenly Father, and the many ways He blesses us.

         The new year has brought more busy days…back to school and real life, back to work after a nice long holiday break, and back to a more normal schedule for all of us. Jerry’s work had stayed very busy due to a damaging wind storm just before the holidays. Brooklyn came down with a nasty cold and a double ear infection the first week back to school. I’ve started getting a fatter tummy, and actually worked a little, and life is back in full swing.

         The babies are getting bigger! I’ve been seeing my doctor every 3-4 weeks. This week I will be 15 weeks into the pregnancy, and it’s starting to show. Not ready for maternity clothes yet, but the regular jeans are ‘unbutton-able’ now.  Mostly I just feel like I ate way too much! I am feeling a lot better than I had been over the holidays, though. I had forgotten how yucky you can feel being nauseated all the time. I was not so sick that I couldn’t continue with daily life, but it sure does wear you down. For the last three weeks or so I’ve felt much better and am grateful for that!  I do get hungry a lot, and am still a little picky about what sounds good to eat. But if you know me, I can eat most anything. I haven’t had any real specific cravings, but have liked fresh and ‘clean’ food. I have felt more tired than I expected, but again, not too much to complain about. I could be in bed for 12 hours a night and still want a nap…but who gets a nap!? Bed time is always a welcome sight. Jerry and Brooklyn have been so loving and helpful to me, though. They are both so patient and helpful when I need them to be. They like to rub the Buddha belly already and we talk about possible names for the little ones. Brooklyn is pretty funny and intent on what she wants to name them and what they will be. She is getting more and more excited. It’s fun to watch.

         I see the doctor tomorrow for a checkup. At the 12 week visit the end of December, both babies were moving a lot and seemed happy.  The doctor said that if they were moving that much they most likely had normal brains and normal spinal cords…never thought of that but it seemed appropriate. I was glad to hear it. You could see their arms and legs and hands and feet.  They looked like little people and not just gummy bears.  So much of the development and formation of the body occurs early in the pregnancy. It’s amazing to think about how much has already happened in just a few weeks. Within the next visit or two we should know the gender of the babies. So, maybe in a month when we know for sure, we will make an announcement. Now they will start to put on more weight and concentrate on growing. It will be fun to see how they change.  Our fridge is plastered with ultrasound pictures to remind us of the fun and crazy blessings we love already!

         We continue to be amazed that we are even in this situation. It’s been interesting to watch people react to the news and who is interested to hear more. Those who know the whole story obviously seem to be more connected and appreciative of the progress. And, those family members and friends closest to us are still our greatest source of encouragement and support.  I love to observe the ‘human experiment’ of this. For us, it’s still very personal and emotionally close to the surface.  Every day we pray in gratitude for the blessing we’ve received, and then plead for continued help and blessings. We are so grateful for the thoughts and support from our loved ones…our great family and friends! 

2 for 1? Yes Please!

TWINS…who would have thought!?!

Oh wow! I know the word has already been spread abroad, but it’s time for an update about the great news we received last week.  After having positive test results a few weeks ago, we waited anxiously to actually see what was happening. The numbers were promising, but I wanted to see something on the ultrasound screen to prove that it really wasn’t a dream! It was an exciting day…

            My appointment wasn’t until the afternoon at 1:00.  That being the case, we of course love to eat, and arranged a lunch date with our good friend Rich Abby.  Rich and Jerry have been friends for a long while, as Rich used to be in the roofing industry. Rich has Lou Gehrig’s disease. We’ve had several wonderful experiences with Rich over the past few years as he has required increased physical help to do some of the things he loves. We enjoy spending time with him and helping him, and Jerry especially has a soft place in his heart for Rich.  Rich, along with so many others, has also played an integral role in some of the financial blessings that have allowed us to experience InVitro.  So, it was only appropriate that we met him for lunch, near his home and the clinic, prior to hearing the news.  Rich struggles with the simple tasks of life such as walking, eating, and speaking. It was so humbling to be with him for a little while and remember how very blessed we have been. We were experiencing miracles, and yet he was so happy for us and supportive even though his world is deteriorating. It was a solemn moment, but a great moment to once again be grateful for so many blessings.  It would have been wonderful to enjoy time with each person who has helped make this possible for us.

I must say that I was still cautiously optimistic about the results. I was excited and hoping that things were perfect and wonderful. But, at the same time, I was cautious about being disappointed. I know I should have more faith. I try. But, after being disappointed for many years, and after investing so much time, emotion, and money, I felt like I needed to prepare my heart and mind for all the possibilities. A survival technique, you might say.  The ‘chemical’ pregnancy and the ‘confirmed’ pregnancy were a big difference in my head. I’ve been there before after having a positive test and then feeling the awkward silence when there was no heartbeat on the ultrasound. I didn’t want to experience that again. I wanted so much to believe that ‘multiples’ as the nurse said earlier was true, but I wanted also to not be shocked if the ultrasound showed nothing. I tear myself up inside sometimes trying to balance faith, hope, and possible reality. I was comforted somewhat by the fact that the program we were part of ensured a second IVF cycle if this was not a confirmed pregnancy. But, I was also reminded that we have done all we can, we had been so very blessed thus far, and we can expect the Lord to continue to bless us.  We had transferred two embryos knowing that both may not work. I was hoping for a least one sweet little baby, and that would be enough to make our dreams come true.

The appointment was with Dr Hammoud.  I’ve actually seen him the most through the whole process, so it was probably appropriate that he would be the one to tell us the official news.  We checked in, they actually offered to bill our insurance (wow…finally!), and we again waited for only a few minutes. I must say how impressed I’ve been with the efficiency at the clinic! We then were taken to a part of the clinic we’d never been to before. Instead of being on the IVF side of the clinic, we were now part of the OB clients.  That was an interesting but positive thought.  The assistant set us up in the room and I asked some questions about how they determine the due date and such. She warned me that Dr Hammoud was just starting a procedure and would be a little while. She was right. We waited about 30 minutes. That was kind of a long wait. We were anxious.  He finally walked in with the nurse and shook our hands. He reviewed the chart and said that I was 6 weeks and 4 days along. They have some fancy addition and calendar trick to come up with the estimated days. Since he knew exactly the retrieval and transfer day, he was pretty sure of where we were. They’re so smart.  He’s a nice doctor…very calm, quiet, and yet reassuring.  He was smiling, and I think he too was a little excited to see what all this hard work was about to reveal.

As he started the ultrasound, I immediately recognized two little dark spots on the screen.  I’m not very ultrasound savvy, but I was guessing that the dark spots were fluid. The doctor panned back and forth. There were little white spots inside the dark spots. Finally, in his quiet accented voice, Dr Hammoud said, “Well, congratulations. You have two little babies here. Baby A and Baby B.”   That was one of the most surreal moments I’ve had for a long time.  He panned to each baby and showed us the little fluttering heartbeat of each. On the screen it wasn’t more than half a pencil eraser, but big enough to see the little heartbeats. There they were…the babies we have waited so long to see. He measured them. Each was measuring exactly 6 weeks and 4 days. He measured the fluids, ovaries, and other things to make sure things were normal. He then switched something on the machine and started looking for the heartbeats again. We could hear the swooshing, and when he got to the exact spot, this little heart was just beating strong and solid. That is every expectant mother’s favorite sound.  It was almost unbelievable. He measured the rate and intensity, and things were looking great. Oh, but wait…there was another heartbeat to listen to! He scanned to Baby B, and again, swooshing and beating.  Music to my ears.  It was so amazing to think that those were our little babies! We were seeing and hearing things we thought we may never hear or see. I just wanted to keep watching and listening. Even today, I can picture that moment and feel the way I did that day—so amazed, so grateful, and so humble. A little scared…but so excited.  The heartbeats were normal and Dr Hammoud seemed pleased with the way everything looked.  He was able to get a picture with both babies in the same frame, and its now hanging on our fridge…reminding us of the miracles we are blessed with. 

Dr Hammoud is one you have to listen to carefully. That day he was the most animated I’ve ever seen him.  I got a kick out of watching him see the results of all his hard work. It must be rewarding for them to give hope and miracles to families. He had some good things to say and was reassuring about the future of the pregnancy. He was kind of funny, too. My favorite lines from him were when he said, “Right now it’s Baby A and Baby B. You can change their names after they are born.”  The best was when he said, “Oh that’s so beautiful. I am so happy for you.”  His accent made it just great.  And, a personal favorite, “You did it!  Congratulations.  And…you are making our numbers look really good.”   I love that we are helping their statistics!  However, I did have to acknowledge that we only followed their directions. That moment was a reminder that without the medical minds and knowledge, we wouldn’t be there having that moment. We were dependent upon others for this whole journey and wonderful outcome.  I keep saying it, but we had a wonderful experience.  So, when he said that we are finished there, and to see my regular doctor as soon as I could, I was a little sad. I enjoyed the hour long drives back and forth while talking with Jerry. I enjoyed the progress we were making each week. And, the experiences we were having were positive and encouraging. So, I will miss the UCRM for now. Who knows, maybe we’ll be back there again some day for some reason. Together we had accomplished exactly what we set out to do. It was a little bit like finishing a great book or movie…exciting adventures and happy endings, yet a little sad that it’s over.  We are on to another exciting adventure, though.  

We are still very prayerful that things continue to go well, though. For some reason all the science and medication was a weird form of comfort that we were in ‘control’ and could manage and predict things. Now, after I finish the progesterone shots in mid December, it’s all up to Mother Nature and the divine plans for our family. Again, I’m trying to have faith and trust in the plan for us. Heavenly Father has blessed us so greatly, and things have gone so well. Hopefully these babies will continue to grow and develop well and my body will be a happy place for them.

Looking back, that was the best day. Sometimes I wonder why we have been so blessed. That was the sweetest moment Jerry and I have had together for a while. We’ve had lots of sweet and memorable moments together, especially lately, but this was incredible. The moment we’ve waited to have for seven years!  There are always a few moments that top the list of great things…getting married, the birth of your children…and this was one of those great moments.

O.M. Heck!!! :) Big Big News!

I know some of you are anxiously awaiting some news!  So, against my natural personality that likes to keep things quiet, I will make an announcement…..

On Monday we went to the UCRM for a blood test, and the results came back….PREGNANT!

We are still a little bit in shock ourselves, but so excited!  This is an early test, but the results were very positive and the nurse was very optimistic. I’ve thought about trying to keep things a secret for a little longer (like most normal people would do) but Jerry has reminded me that this experience has been far from “normal.”  We know so many loved ones have been following the story and are anxious to hear the outcome of such a wild ride, so I’ve decided it’s ok to share the good news—even if it seems kind of early. I have a confirmation viability scan (ultrasound) the week of Thanksgiving to confirm what the blood test revealed.  I think that will be reassuring for me. In the meantime, we are so very excited! It seems a little surreal.  I told my sister-in-law that she’s going to have to remind me about how to be pregnant…it’s been so long, I don’t remember!  We’ve had such an outpouring of love and excitement from our immediate family. They’ve been encouraging and excited right along with us.  With this good news, we are even more grateful for the support that has made such a miracle possible. We’re overwhelmed again by the financial, emotional, spiritual, and medical help that we’ve received allowing our dreams to come true. We are truly blessed.

Here’s the rundown of Monday….

It had been only 18 days since the retrieval on the 21^st of October. Although this isn’t the day they transferred the embryos which was the 26^th, it’s considered the conception date.  So, everything is based off that date. Jerry and I headed down early to the clinic for the test. We could come anytime between 8-9 and didn’t need an appointment. Jerry’s mom helped get Brooklyn to school so we could be there about 8:30.  I had one of those knots in my stomach the whole morning. This was going to be big news, one way or the other. On our way in, we saw 3-4 huge tanks of liquid nitrogen sitting in the hallway. They looked like big silver bullets, probably five feet tall and big enough around that it would take two people to ‘hug’ it.  Both of us thought of hundreds of little embryos…potential babies…sitting there in those tanks. I’m sure that’s not exactly the truth, but it was crazy to think of what’s frozen in there.  A reminder that this is partly a science project. We signed in and waited for about 5 min.  That whole morning we were anxious about what the news would be. We expected to get the results that morning there in the office. The phlebotomist came to get me and Jerry sat in the waiting room.  While waiting for the poke, I asked the phlebotomist how long it takes to get the results. She says, “Oh, they’ll call you this afternoon.”  What!  I was a little ticked all of the sudden.  She probably thought I was being nasty when I said back, “You are kidding me…my husband didn’t even need to come and now we have to wait for them to call us?”   I tried to be nice, but I wasn’t so impressed at the moment. I walked back out to Jerry and told him the new info. He wasn’t impressed either. He threatened to sit there until they came out and told us J.  I clarified the fact that they were ‘just going to call us’ with the medical assistant. She said, “I know, I’m sorry. We run all the tests at the same time. But we’ll call you before noon.”  I only had about 3 hours of waiting left in me, so that was good. It was kind of disappointing and frustrating. The whole way home I was bugged. I thought that on a personal level, after couples spend so much time, money, emotion and physical commitment, the least they could do was let you sit down with the physician and learn the fate of the rest of your life!  We both thought it wasn’t fair for them to give such news to the wife while she’s alone, over the phone. Needless to say, it was a long wait. Jerry went to work awaiting the phone call from me, and I went home and tried to pass the time.

Long after noon, my cell phone finally rang and it was the clinic. My heart was beating so fast and I felt sick again. It was the nurse, Heidi. She said, “It’s Heidi from the Reproductive Center, and I have your test results. You are pregnant.”  Of course, I start crying…I can’t talk, or hear, or see….I’m a mess.  I say, “Oh my. I was going to cry either way, but I can’t believe it.”  She sincerely asks if I’m ok for her to continue and if I have a pen to write some things down. A good question to ask J.  I now know why they don’t want you in the office when you hear the good or bad news—so many emotions to deal with!  She explained that with the blood test, they are looking for an HCG level that is greater than 100. Well, mine was 1445.  She said that with such a high number there is a greater possibility of multiples, and that it was a great indicator of the pregnancy.  I was instructed to continue the progesterone shots through December 16^th, after which they will reevaluate the need for meds. She scheduled the viability scan for the week of November 21^st and gave me more instructions about activity levels until then. (Dang…can’t work full time, exercise, nor do heavy yard/house work J) She then said, “And your due date is July 14^th.”  Ok, that was crazy! Here we have been waiting for 7 years, and now I have a due date. Boggles my mind, and I still have a hard time really grasping that idea.   It was a wonderful phone call, and my emotions were overwhelming for a while.  I was so full of gratitude for the blessings we had experienced and the love we’ve felt from our Heavenly Father and loved ones.  We literally could not have done this alone.  Once again, I’ll say that I believe in miracles.

I called Jerry…a little weird to tell him such news over the phone…and he came home when he could to give me a big hug and be happy together for a few moments. I called my mom who said, “Oh, honey!” and then my siblings and grandma.  As I was talking to my sister I was trying to be a little discrete because Brooklyn was in the room and we wanted to tell her together that night. I thought she had no clue of what I was talking about, but the little smarty pants knew all along. She didn’t say anything until right before dinner when I told her Mom and Dad had something fun to tell her. She nonchalantly says, “I already know, you are going to have a baby.” I tried to play it off and tell her she was silly, but then Jerry pulled in. She said, “I’m going to go ask Dad, then.”  Of course I thought Jerry would play coy too, but nope. He couldn’t.  We did try to have a little party and had a ‘picnic’ while watching a movie—Father of the Bride II, of course.  I think Brooklyn is genuinely excited. She thinks the best part will be “getting to feed it and putting it to bed.”  She’s asked me every day if she can tell her friends. It will take some effort to be sure she feels included in the other half of this adventure, but I think it will be fun for her.  It’s still not real for her either, I’m sure, but she will be a great helper and sister.

Well, there it is…the biggest news in our little family for a while. All while this has been happening, my side of the family has been full of other drama. Each of the five Staples children has been having big and exciting events happening.  Our adventure and news has been just one of those, but I am so grateful for parents who are concerned about and love us individually and for siblings who love and support each other.  I’m part of such a great family.

I’m anxious to have the ultrasound and see what that will tell us. It will be good to have that confirmation just before our holiday of gratitude. We have so much to be grateful for, and I’m glad that this time of year helps us remember and count our many blessings. For we truly have been blessed more than we could ever imagine. 

....Moment of Truth

Yesterday was the day that could potentially change the future of our family!  It was transfer day, and the day the little embryos that have been growing in the lab were returned to their momma. Hopefully they are growing and developing well…like good, obedient children should J

         Today I am resting on the couch as part of a three day ‘bed rest’ stent. Once the embryos are transferred, they want you to stay calm and rested to promote implantation and acceptance within the mother’s body. For someone like me, this has been somewhat of a challenge, but it’s a nice excuse to catch up on some of those relaxing things that always seem to end up on the bottom of the ‘to do’ list. I’ve been able to get up here and there, and have been enjoying myself, actually.

Since the retrieval on Friday, the embryologists have been watching our little embryos grow and develop and divide. They called us twice to update us on their progress. Things were going as expected, so the plan was made to do the transfer at the five day mark.

On Wednesday we arrived at the clinic for our appointment at 9:30. The waiting room was pretty empty and we sat for only a minute. The assistant took us back and smiled and asked, “Are you excited for today?”  It was pretty exciting, but I seem to try to not get too excited in fear of being disappointed. However, it was the day we could potentially be officially pregnant…that thought is exciting.  She took us back to the transfer room where I again met the big, green chair.  But, this time Jerry was able to stay with me!  The room didn’t look so daunting this time. The huge spotlight was there…the one of my dream from last time, along with the ultrasound machine and some sterile ‘embryo transfer trays’.  We sat in the room for a few minutes until Dr Peterson came in to talk with us.

         The first thing he did was hand us a little black folder with a picture of the two healthiest embryos. He said, “Well, here is a picture of your babies.”   Oh my…that was a heavy reality check. They looked like little circles filled with bubbles. It was quite amazing to look at the results of all this work, hope and prayers of the past few months, and even years. It was a great moment. Dr Peterson had my chart and all the numbers related to the progress of the embryos and available number of healthy ones to possibly transfer. He shared with us the risks related to twins and multiples as well as the percentages of success and loss.  He showed us a chart with the numbers of embryos “they” (whoever ‘they’ are) suggest to transfer for people like me. He gave us some time to talk about it and left the room for a little while…after dimming the lights and turning on some nice music, of course J Jerry and I talked about it, weighing the risks and numbers, but both feeling that the transfer of two was right for us. The doctor came back in, asking if we had decided. We asked a few questions and shared our thoughts. He said, “If you were my daughter I would feel comfortable with the transfer of either one or two.”   He also said that some people choose one based upon what they are willing to deal with in the future. Some people are not wanting to deal with the risks, or two babies, or possible complications. We needed to decide what we were willing to accept; what we are comfortable with. He then gave us a few more minutes to discuss, and left the room again.  Again, Jerry and I looked at each other and both felt that same reassuring feeling that we needed to transfer two. Jerry reminded me of that obvious and overwhelming feeling we had when we first met Dr Peterson at our consultation. We knew that the University of Utah was the right place for us. Again, we knew this was the right choice for us. When the doctor came back in, we quickly discussed our decision, and he said. “I think that is a great choice.”  We signed the paperwork and prepped for the actual procedure.

         Before long the doctor was dropping two Valium in my hand and was telling me to relax.  About five minutes later he and his medical student came in with their hair nets and masks and he tipped the magical chair back. The medical assistant brought me a pillow and blankets, and the embryologist came in to verify my name. He had a vial of pink fluid with my name and birth date on it. Both Jerry and I had to verify the correct name and then the doctor did. Glad to know we were completing our checks and balances!  By this time I was feeling a little sleepy. I was making sense and not in the twilight zone like last time, but was relaxed and comfortable. The medical assistant was in charge of the ultrasound on my belly, and the doctor started the procedure while the embryologist prepped the baby solution with those two little embryos. At one point, Dr Peterson said, “ Now, look up on the screen behind my head and you will see Tony (the embryologist in the adjacent room) show your name up on the screen and then you’ll see your babies as he loads the transfer catheter. He’ll then bring that loaded catheter out to me.”  Just as he said, my name scrolled across the screen, then we saw those little bubble-filled circles. He then sucked them up into the little catheter. That was pretty wild. Tony then walked through the door that separates the transfer room and the IVF lab. He was holding something tightly in both of his hands and then knelt down next to the doctor.  Jerry said he was down by the doctor for a little while, and we both wonder if he was actually the one to transfer the embryos…he’s been the one babysitting them for the past few days, plus there would be a huge risk of dropping or loosing those expensive babies if the ‘handoff’ didn’t go well. So, we kind of think he and the doctor work together to get them in the right place, but that the embryologist is the one who actually handles them.  After the transfer, he and the doctor then verified that both embryos were transferred and nothing was left ‘sticking’ to the catheter. A few more minutes of finish up from the doctor, and it was done. It probably took 15-20 minutes and was painless and easy. The assistant then tucked me in with more pillows and blankets and I was to lay there flat for 30minutes more.

         It was kind of a surreal moment. We’ve been thinking about, hoping, praying, and working for this moment for so long that I was trying to take it all in and enjoy the moment. In all reality, this could be the actual minute and day that our family life changes forever. I thought about the journey, the great blessings we’ve experienced, and the ways we’ve grown closer together. I thought about those little embryos…or babies…that might be ours. I thought, too, that whatever the outcome, this has been an amazing experience. The miracle of modern medicine has made the impossible a possibility for us, and we were both so grateful.  Things had gone so well for us and we were grateful for the skills and compassion of the great staff at the UCRM. (Utah Center for Reproductive Medicine)   It was a happy moment…a little sleepy moment…but a great and happy moment.

         We again got Café Rio on the way home (I hope it’s the baby cravings starting J) and went home to rest. The valium made me pretty sleepy for the rest of the afternoon, but I’ve been feeling great.  We’ll go back in November for a blood draw pregnancy test and then an ultrasound later if that test is positive.  In the meantime, I continue those nice big progesterone shots each day. We have a few weeks of long waiting until the big reveal. I’m not quite sure how or when we will decide to let everyone know the results, so stay tuned. It will be an interesting moment, for sure!  Up until this point everything has been calculated, scientific, and planned. From this point on, it’s up to nature and the plan of our Heavenly Father. We are hopeful, but cautiously optimistic…because we must remember reality…but hope our wishes and dreams will come true!

         We continue to be so grateful each day for all those along the way who have made this possible. So many people are concerned and supportive that it’s humbling each day to be part of such a great opportunity and community of love.

         *For those interested in knowing the details, numbers, and what a miracle it is that conception is even possible, read on.  We are a pretty average couple in good health and with very few reasons for complications. I am over 30, and that was the biggest concern (I never thought that was such a big deal, but in the world of infertility,  that’s ‘getting older.’) Other than that, we are healthy with good lab values and other test results. So, keep in mind that we are “normal” and these numbers still reflect higher than natural numbers due to the IVF stimulation hormones.  The statistical success of any healthy pregnancy is a miracle!

        

         Eggs Retrieved: 16     (Friday)

         Eggs that were mature: 11

         Eggs that fertilized naturally: 9

         Fertilized eggs that began to divide normally: 8    (Sunday)

         Embryos that continued to mature:  7  (Wednesday)

         Embryos that were ‘best quality’ and able to transfer:  2      (So remaining #is 5)

         Embryos that stopped growing and started to die: 2     (Thursday)

         Embryos remaining with the possibility to freeze: 3  (2 healthy, and 1 of lower quality)

         Anticipated number of remaining embryos that would survive the cryopreservation and thaw cycle for another round of Invitro: 1-2

         Science is amazing. The fact that our bodies can create a perfect little life from such tiny cells…absolutely Divine. Be grateful for your little ones and the miracles and Plan that brought them here.

Big big week!!!

Well, I’m writing this the day after surviving the big egg retrieval! I made it, things went well, and it was a big moment for us. Here’s the recap….

Thursday evening we met my dad and Brooklyn went home with him. She was going to have a fun sleepover with Aunt Abby…complete with pizza, caramel apples, pine nuts, movies, hut building, and all the fun stuff.  Grandma was out of town tending to the other Staples children in Texas, so it was up to Grandpa, Abby, and Brooklyn to keep each other in line J  I’m sure they had a good time. Jerry and I then had time to grab a quick dinner and a movie….wow, an actual date! It was nice to spend time together before such a big, early day in the morning.  I started my round of antibiotics that night and then had nothing else to eat or drink until after the procedure.  I received a blessing from Jerry and was able to sleep pretty well, actually.  That is, until about 5:00 when our cat Milkey somehow got into the house (through an open back door we later discovered) and jumped up on Jerry while he was sleeping.  It was actually a funny moment. It was also the end of sleeping for me. I tossed and turned until 6:30, then finally got up to get ready.

Jerry and I drove to the clinic to be there for our 9:00 appointment. We were about 10 minutes early and they were ready to take us back just before 9:00.  They took us to a treatment room where I changed into a lovely hospital gown with booties to match. It was very becoming. I sat in the big, green chair that looked like the electric chair at the jail. It was big and tall and not very comfortable.  The room was dim and cold. They also had some lovely music playing. Jerry sat in the chair they provided for the husbands…which was behind my big chair, so it was hard to turn around and look at him. He just kept telling me to relax and that it will all be fine. I think he was a little nervous too, though.  The medical assistant came in to take my blood pressure and vital signs. Naturally, my blood pressure was higher than it’s ever been. Then a nurse came in to place an IV. I forgot how much those sting going in. She did a pretty good job after reassuring me that she’s been doing this for 21 years, and so she didn’t need the lights on or gloves…she just does it by feel.  Whatever lady…! She did get it in on the first poke, though. She then gave me a paper explaining all the steps for the next few days and weeks including signs of problems, when to start the other meds, when the embryologist will call to schedule the transfer day, etc.  There were some activity restrictions as well.   She left and said the doctor would be in to sign the consent with me in a minute. While waiting, another nurse hurried into the room to get an oxygen tank…not a very comforting sign.  We waited a little more and then Dr Hammoud came into the room with my chart. He sat down on his little roller chair right in from of me—sitting in the big chair—and proceeded to explain the risks of this procedure. He told me the medicine would put me into a ‘twilight zone’ where I will hear things but not understand them, and feel pressure but not pain. The list of risks included things like bleeding, infection, damage to all the eggs, and or damage to internal organs that would require surgery. Again, not very comforting.  But, we didn’t come all this way to back out now, right!? He assured me that never once has anyone from this clinic required any surgery or extensive follow-up care. He signed the consent and then I signed.  They shortly came into the room to get me and take Jerry to where he would wait.  I kind of thought and hoped that he could stay with me, but from a medical point of view, I understand why they have family go out of the room. It was a little weird to say bye to him.

I looked into the retrieval room. It was a little scary looking. It also had a big green “electric” chair. This time it was all covered in surgical towels. The room was dim with a few bright spotlights, an ultrasound machine, and a couple of instrument tables. One girl in the corner was in a green surgical gown putting together some kind of tubing and other items. My nurse for the procedure was Jannine. She told me where to put my feet and arms, put an oxygen monitor on my finger and a blood pressure cuff on my arm. She covered me with a ton of blankets and then started putting medicine into my IV. She said “This works pretty quickly, so just close your eyes and relax.”  What!  Me, close my eyes and relax!?  Impossible. She then said, “I’m going to tip this chair back like at the dentist.”  And that was it…I was starting to feel fuzzy and heavy. I guess the medicine was working.  I don’t remember the doctor coming in or a whole lot after that. The things I remember are feeling like the blankets were really heavy, pressure and cold water (have no idea what water would have been doing there, but that’s what it felt like), the blood pressure cuff going off every few minutes, and hearing people talk. At the moment, I thought I understood what they were talking about, but I’m not really sure I did. I peeked though my eyes one time and remember seeing a bright light by the doctor and people wearing green surgical gowns, surgical hats, and masks. That’s the only visual picture I remember of the procedure. I do remember feeling some intense pressure, but no pain. For a moment I though that maybe I should tell Jannine I need more meds, but I couldn’t figure out how to do that.  It was like I was separated from the world around me…totally the ‘twilight zone.’  I also remember Jannine putting her arms on my back and helping me to stand and transfer into the recliner chair for recovery. I don’t remember the procedure chair tilting back up or them wheeling me into the recovery room. All I can use to describe it is that it’s literally like a dream.  When you are having the dream, you think you are totally in control and coherent. You may even know you are having a dream. But, when you wake up, all you remember is that you had a dream. You might be able to remember that it was generally about puppies or something, but the details are way too fuzzy to piece together. At some moments during the procedure, I remember thinking I totally knew what was going on and that I was listening to the conversations around me.  But, like I said, it felt like a disconnection with anything outside of what was going on in my head.  It was definitely the ‘twilight zone.’

I don’t remember the transfer to the other room. But, apparently my Aunt Jennifer was there…surprise! She actually works at a clinic in South Jordan and was doing some training at this clinic for a few days. She had seen Jerry and then I wheeled out of the room. I know I was still fuzzy in the head, so I have no idea what I said to her or if I even acknowledged her, but I do remember her stopping into the recovery room and saying ‘hi.’  The assistant hooked me up to the blood pressure cuff and O2 sat monitor again, and I was still covered in blankets.  After about 15 minutes they brought Jerry into the room. It was nice to have him back with me.  Of course, I thought I was totally with it, but he kept laughing and thinking I was a little snowed. He texted my parents and let them know things went well and that I was resting.  I was just glad that I didn’t feel nauseated or painful. I probably could have handled the pain, but I had been terrified that the meds would make me sick. Good news…no sign of that...and I was sure thankful!  In fact, after a while the assistant brought me some delicious cranberry juice and crackers and I ate them like I was starving. I then told Jerry I wanted Café Rio.  I did have a pretty good headache, though, and they gave me some Tylenol.  After a little more than an hour in the recovery room, they let me get dressed. My legs felt a little bit like Jell-o, and my head was a little foggy, but I felt pretty good. I got to ride in a wheelchair to the car. J  Some young guy and Jennifer helped walk me out.  It was kind of nice to have a familiar face around. I remember trying to explain to her where Brooklyn was and how the family was doing, but who knows what I actually said. I remember her saying that she would be there again on Wednesday, hopefully the day they do the embryo transfer.

We picked up Brooklyn and some Café Rio, and headed home. By the time we got home I was pretty tired. Jerry went back to work and I fed Brooklyn some lunch then turned on the TV for her. She was such a good girl and let me sleep on the couch for a while. She’d come give me hugs and drinks and love. I was kind of sore through out the day, but was allowed to take Tylenol for the pain and headaches.  When Jerry got home we went to pizza and Toads to let Brooklyn have a little fun. By the time we got back, I was ready for bed again.

Today I feel just fine and am back to my normal self. I’m still a little tender, but nothing worth even a Tylenol. Things went so well, and I am so pleased. I always worry for no reason, but that’s just me. Like I told one nurse, it’s easier to be the nurse and not the patient. However, I have been blessed to have things go so well and be able to feel pretty healthy. Now, I take progesterone shots in my hip every day and an antibiotic twice a day for a few days. I’ll take the progesterone for about a month, then six more weeks after that if my pregnancy test comes back positive. So, me and that needle are about to become good friends. Jerry’s given me a few shots and he’s done a good job. On Sunday the embryologist will call us to update us on the little growing embryos. As my brother put it, ‘We have little children growing in a Petri-dish.’  A weird thought, but true. I hope they take good care of them. Depending on how well the cells divide and grow and how healthy they look, the embryologist will decide when the best time to transfer them back into momma will be. That will most likely be on Monday or Wednesday, and then I’ll have a few days of bed rest to promote the beginning of a pregnancy. That’s actually one of the greater things that I worry about. Up until this point, science has pretty much dictated what will happen. After the transfer, we do what we can—like take progesterone—to ensure a pregnancy develops, but it’s pretty much up to the other powers that be. It will either happen, or it won’t. We just have to wait and see.  They call it a ‘chemical pregnancy.’  We can fake out the body to make it think and act like it’s pregnant. But then a confirmed, or live, pregnancy occurs when the body has accepted the little embryos and will support them on its own.  That will be the miracle we’ve been waiting for.

This has been an intense and yet exciting week. The part I’ve been most anxious about is over and went well. The transfer will be another procedure, but won’t require any sedation. I think there are a few more emotional hurdles to jump over. The anticipation of the pregnancy test results in a few weeks will be enough to keep me crazy. I am so grateful for Jerry and his emotional and physical support. I’ve been working a lot less lately, to reduce stress and increase sleep and health, and he’s working as hard as ever to ensure that bills are paid and everything else is taken care of. This has taken a lot of communication and cooperation, also. He’s a great husband and support. He’s had his fair share of unpleasant moments through this adventure also, but he’s positive and humorous, and always looks forward. Brooklyn has also been a trooper. I try to educate her a little about what’s happening. She still plugs her ears and says, “I know, I know, you don’t have to tell me.”  Silly girl.  But, she’s a good girl and always full of love and hugs when we need it.  My great family and friends have also been so supportive and sweet.  This has been a great journey so far. And, while it’s not over yet, I can say that I’m so glad we’ve had the wonderful opportunity to experience the miracle of modern medicine to bless our family and learn and grow.  Our little family has grown closer together, and that in and of itself is a blessing.